i got carded!

T-Minus: 0 Days...

_

well the moment of truth has come people of the innerweb. i had to prove to both the new zealand departments of conservation and immigration that i'd met their criteria for me to stay in the country.

_

so with my proof of a home (the botanic garden), a job (at the otago museum), and 3 signed testimonials to my character (from andrew, owain, and ben the gardener) in hand i went into the government building.

_

for what seemed like forever the agents milled over my proof, not letting me know if it was good or not...

_

then finally 2 hours later...

_

i got my official status declared. i'm now a truely landed extracontinential organism! even better i got this cool ID card! just like a human would get!

_

now like everything else in life (or at least my life) it wasn't all fun and games. though immigration was done with me, the department of conservation had only begun.

_

as of this point i am officially an endangered species of new zealand. after all they don't have any other dinosaurs here (that alone tyrannosaurs!) meaning that if anything bad happens to me we'll be extinct here in new zealand.

_

as they take extinction very seriously down here (my kinda people really) the conservation directives they warned me about 2 months ago are now in strict effect!

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Any individaul or population of tyrannasaurus rex traumadorius:

• A. May not engage in any behaviour or activity that might threaten individual's or population's well being or survivial

• B. May not engage in any behaviour or activity that will alter or disrupt New Zealand natural habitats, species, or ecosystems

• C. Must report to the DOC (Department of Conservation) any change in habitat, territory, or ecosystem within 24 hours of change

• D. May not breed within New Zealand without permission from the D.O.C.

• E. Must report any and all predation of native species to the D.O.C. (with a possibility of violation of clause B.)

• F. Must assist in research efforts at better understanding species biologic and conservation needs and issues

• G. Must cooperate with D.O.C. agents and officers in any capacity or function they deem necessary to protect New Zealand's environment
  

so i'll have to be sure to remember all of these (oh man, with a brain the size of mine that isn't the easiest thing to pull off!)

the D.O.C. says that for now it will let me settle into my new habitat free from human interference, but that i need to give them some means of contacting me in the future. their not through with me they say. not by a "long shot"... wonder what that means?

well people of the web wide world. as much fun as it was to deal with the countdown i'm about ready on starting my new life!

one last look... (counted down part 2)

T-Minus: 1 day!!!!!!!!!!!!

(why didn't i buy that time machine off the internet?!?)

_

Location: Botanic Garden

Objective: I have none...

well people of the web wide world it is over. my quest to get into new zealand. my last hope of fulfilling the government's criteria has failed utterly...

_

tomorrow when i fail to present all the requirements for my immigration their going to ship me back to canada (i sure hope i don't have to pay for that!!!)...

_

meaning that this was my last day to enjoy new zealand. i had wanted to see so much more of it then dunedin and a few airports... now to boot i don't have much of a day left at that... i hadn't even get to check out all of the otago museum...

_

first thing was first. i was going to have to head back to salmond hall and get all my stuff out of craig's room... after everything that has happened with him i don't want to make him any more angry with me...

_

well okay that is second thing. at least i can enjoy one last walk through the botanic garden... i'm going to miss the garden. it is by far my favorite thing in dunedin. i was really sad realizing that after this i might very well never see it again...

as i came up to the end of my depressing trek there was one of the many gardeners working away making the place so nice and pretty...

i tried to walk past him so not to interrupt his work. i've already messed up enough people's lives trying to settle here in new zealand. why bother one more i thought...

as i attempted to sneak by he looked up though and said hello...

this took me by total surprise. why would anybody bother to say hello to me?

"i've seen you around here a bunch lately." the gardener said. oh no i thought. was i somehow in trouble?

"have i done something wrong?" i hesitantly asked.

"gracious no!" he laughed. "it's just different seeing a dinosaur walk through my garden is all what's your name?"

i told him who i was.

"ah well a pleasure to meet you. my name is ben. i'm the head gardener here of the botanic gardens." he smiled.

"you look a lot more down then normal mr. the tyrannosaur." he observed. "what's bothering you?"

oh man. what wasn't... so i told him all about my troubles. my being kicked out of new zealand. how i'd messed everything up with getting my life back on track. how this was my last time in the gardeners very beautiful garden.

"it's too bad i couldn't just stay here for the rest of my life." i mused about the garden. won't that have been too easy a solution...

suddenly ben started thinking. wasn't quite sure why, but he was deep in contemplation. wish i had a nice big human brain...

the next words out of his mouth made me think i was dreaming or something...

"frankly i couldn't see any reason that you couldn't just live here in the gardens." he said. "afterall i'm in charge. No point in being that if you can't decide the rules. besides who ever heard of a tyrannosaur living outside a jungle?" he laughed again.

i hadn't been that happy in a long time! i jumped up and gave him a high five!

oh boy! i couldn't wait to tell craig. more to the point the government was going to be satisfied.

"thanks so much mister!" i jabbered. "you won't regret this! i'll be the best tenant ever! i'll move in tomorrow!"

with that i ran off to go and tell craig the good news, and grab my stuff. oh man can you believe that. just like that everything went from disaster to miracle! this doesn't happen except in the movies (well i guess that is no longer true!).

okay those government criteria weren't too bad. tomorrow when i presented proof of my job, my new address, and handed in my 2 testimonials i'd be set to become a permanent... wait a second... 2 testimonials... i needed 3... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

then an idea hit my tiny brain!

running back up to ben i asked "uh ben would you mind signing this?"

"what is it?" he asked caught off guard.

"uh i just need... you to sign this saying i've moved into the garden." i replied.

"they have a form for that?" ben hesitated.

"oh yeah. you know how the department of conservation is." i lied.

"won't this be for immigration?" ben inquired.

"that's who i meant..." oh man i needed him to sign that form...

he looked at the form for a second thinking about it. i couldn't look him in the face. i just blew everything with this lying thing...

then he just signed it. i couldn't believe it!

i snagged it the second he was done writing. i couldn't afford him finding out i'd lied to him about it...

come to think of it i hope he isn't mad about me doing that...

fortunately for me he seems to have not really cared. he was just a little confused is all...

like that he just went back to maintaining his garden...

well can you believe that people of the web wide world?

just like that one little trip through the garden and everything falls into place...

i'll have to make sure i make it up to ben. my being so hasty and all. not only did he just get me out of the biggest pickle ever, but i guess he's also my land lord now!

okay next up i need to get into the government and prove i met all the criteria...

To Be Concluded

my hopes in the balance... (counted down part 1)

T-Minus: 1 Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(okay i always knew i was a last minute kinda dinosaur, but this is a bit too close for even me!)

_

Location: Otago Museum

Objective: Work, Home, Signature

okay well yet another day at work. however this is NOT like any other day...

this is my LAST day to meet my government criteria! if i fail then i'm in big trouble. like a trouble bigger then any i've ever known!

i'll be deported back to canada... where having no money... i'll be homeless... jobless... friendless... and worst of all surrounded by dinosaurs once again.

my only hope is that today i can convince my bosses here at the otago museum to help me with my last two outstanding criteria by:

• lending me some money so i can rent a place to live ( not just for the government either! craig has told me i have to move out by tomorrow!)

• sign a testimonial as to my dependability

i can't see why they won't say yes to these simple requests. if they don't they'd be out an employee. considering i'm still learning the job does it really make sense to let go such a new fresh asset? my peanut brain is telling me no...

i still have the shift to go though. now that i've gotten a bit more of a handle on my duties i'm feeling a little more brave to wander the museum compared to earlier. not too far from the lobby mind you, but still cool things to just a few metres inside each gallery.

in the discovery corner one of my favs. a microbe-scope! nothing screams science and discovery much more then a microbe-scope (well other then museum!)...

lying nearby were some nice specimens of various things to look at, and get a feel for being a sciencey person...

i've always wished i could be a scientist... people looking up to me cause i'm smart and know stuff. just imagine that... oh well sigh... i can't even meet 3 little criteria from the government. that alone become really smart and educated...

the microbe-scope is pretty fun though! i really enjoyed looking at this horseshoe crab (a critter from the era of us dinosaurs in fact...) up close. real close!

this could be a handy tool in the future!

today i decided i should really check out the third floor. after all if something securityey were to go down up here i'd better at least have a rough idea of what i was getting into...

stepping into the "natural history" (didn't know history could occur unnaturally!?!) gallery i was shocked to look up and see that i wasn't actually in the building! i was outside in a starry night sky! what the?

this was a silly way to design a museum gallery! what happened to visitors if it was a really bad day outside?

then i realized this wasn't actually the sky, the sun was just setting outside (well that and there was a sign saying that this was a recreation of the universe...). oops.

pretty though.

just beyond that was the "actual" natural history gallery (as opposed to empty space...). man the roof of this particular gallery is full of fun stuff...

up in the air hung a giant carnivorous jaw bone (based on the characteristic teeth!). for a second i didn't know what to think... wow cool a giant meat eating thing!... or oh man is this thing going to eat me?... perhaps is that from a prehistoric critter? cause it was pretty big, and i know they don't evolve anymore like they used too...

it in fact turns out to be from a sperm whale. which apparently not only is alive today, but in the waters here around new zealand! wow cool! i gotta try and see me one of these!

well after this fun, but distracting exploring time to get back to work... wandering back into the lobby to resume my patrol of the whole museum i made one last cool find. the skeleton of a sea turtle... not as impressive as a mesozoic archelon, but again things just aren't as big as they were in the old skool days. kinda sad to see the bones of one of these guys. their much pretty in the water like the one at the vancouver aquarium...

keeping watch over the whole entry ways in the museum from the lobby may be efficient, but boy is it boring!

the shift just seemed to take forever. finally though as morning broke i was relieved of duty as the day staff showed up. now was the time to see the bosses, and finally finish off my criteria and get down to building up a life here in new zealand.

there is just one thing people of the innerweb...

they said NO!!!

i'm not kidding. when i asked for those two simple things so i could keep working there they told me

"look we are ecstatic to have you on the team traumador. the thing is we can't give you the money so early in your being employment. additionally we don't want to gamble the museum's reputation by vouching for you when you've only just started here."

uh am i having a nightmare people of the innerweb?

how is that i could come this close to victory only to have it snatched away...

To be Continued...

the new routine

you know it's days like today that remind me life can be an okay place. with all the crazy stuff that has been happening to me since my being fired from at the tyrrell museum it sometimes leaves me wondering why i bother...

(i remind us all T-Minus: 2 days!!!

talk about cutting it close on my government criteria...)

i'm not going to worry about anything today!

the weather is amazing! unlike a few days ago when i was getting my job at the otago museum...

which just makes for a nice walk to work... which i've now been taking for a few days. it is a great way to start my days at work. a stroll through the beautiful garden...

it's just such a grand place... if you don't believe me from this picture just look at the next!

i'm still in that photo trust me. just dwarfed by the scope and scale of bench hill (not my fault i'm dwarfed... i am the world's smallest tyrannosaur after all!).

my walk takes me by the other side of the duck pond. sadly due to the fact i need to get to work i haven't had time to check this out. it looks like it'll be really pretty when i get there though.

i also head through a new section i've never seen before. the rose gardens and terrace. these gardens are awesome!

i think the garden is my favorite place in dunedin so far!

the best part of living at craig's place has been that i'm so close to the garden, and am forced to walk through them almost anywhere in town... it's just too bad as part of my staying in new zealand criteria i'll have to move out and find a new place...

speaking of which i REALLY need to figure that out here today! cause in 2 days i'll be kicked out of the country if i don't! fortunately i have a plan... just requires me getting to work...

before i can stew on that thought any further my ride shows up. last awesome thing about the gardens is that it has a train that runs from one end to the other!

with its arrival i need to be cruising here people of the web wide world. hopefully i'll have nothing but good news about meeting my criteria next post!

securing the job...

with my big triumph of getting a job two days ago, life has significantly shifted for me, people of the innerweb. in most ways good. all but one that is. due to the new time constraint put on me by working at the museum, i have less time to deal with the last couple outstanding criteria of the government's.

time is still ticking, and just as a reminder to us all (but especially me!):

T-Minus: 4 days!!!!!

i actually am close to fainting looking at this number!

that having been said i've got half the criteria met as of this moment. all i need is one more signature (hopefully not too hard to acquire), and a home. now the place to live has thus far proven with research to be the hardest to get.

the only free of cost places are wild and natural areas which are under the protection of the department of conservation. meaning my endangered species directives kick in when i move there. as i don't have a natural habitat here in new zealand i can't move into any of these...

meaning i need to move in somewhere that costs money. i don't have any right now. however that's where i'm hoping my new job at the museum will help me. with a job i'll be getting money, and with money i'll be able to get a place!

so with that in mind i went into work for the first time yesterday. why i didn't post about that day you might ask. it was probably a more interesting day then my second... you'd be right people of the web wide world.

only i'd have to kill you if i told you the details of my training. as a security guard of the otago museum i have been entrusted with the safety and well being of all the priceless artifacts and specimens contained within it's premises. so if i told you all about my training i'd be exposing crucial details about the museum's defenses and weak spots... which i can't allow...

that and as i haven't worked since the eco centre i was really tired after the shift, and too lazy to write last night...

alright so the otago museum. it's about the same size as the royal tyrrell, but different dimensions (not as in the sci-fi sense of the word either). rather then being spread out all over the place it is tall. three floors tall to be precise.


standing in the lobby i don't yet feel this is my museum like the tyrrell did, but hopefully it'll grow into it...


still looking into the vast inners of the otago museum i appreciate the scope of my new task here. from this vantage point i can see ALL the galleries at once. there's no question how big this place is (tourist at the royal tyrrell always got confused as to where to go, and how big the place was due to haphazard layout in places).


it also makes my job easier as i can watch and guard the galleries ALL from the same area.


this has caused only one issue. i haven't seen a lot of the museum yet because in order to watch everywhere i can't leave the lobby...


though i have managed to see a little bit of what's inside. all of it is on the second floor. being the middle i can risk venturing a tiny bit into its galleries...





my first discovery in the entrance to the discovery corner was a globe of earth. not a bad first discovery... as i was about to move on something hit my tiny brain though...


a GLOBE! the first thing they had on display... wow is there some sort of code that museums have that their first display HAS to be a globe???


check this out... i might be onto something here!

this was the first thing that you'd see

when you entered the tyrrell's lobby.

craig used to play with me here when i was 2 years old...

(those were the days)

the eco-centre had one

as well greeting their

guests...

the globe connection... i'll have to look into this discovery later... very curious though!





elsewhere there's some really cool stuff on this floor all about the maori. they were among the first people to move to new zealand. they made a living off the ocean, and we've got some sweet examples of the tools they used to make this living...

they also have a FOSSILIZED skeleton of a moa. though it kinda looks like a dinosaur it is actually a giant extinct bird (which okay still technically makes it an advanced dinosaur, but not an old skooler like me... more a young wanna be!).

completing my quick inspection of the maori gallery was a model of a maori house. a thought entered my mind seeing this. maybe i could strike out a deal like i had at the tyrrell where i could live in the otago museum...

my supervisor this morning said that was out of the quest... unlike the tyrrell where i served as a display while living there, the otago had no such purpose for me... after all they don't have dinosaurs down here... i guess a long term goal could be to convince them that maybe they need one on display...

point is this is a pretty sweet place to work!

bound to be plenty more for me to discover... however i should stop using my puter here, and get back to watching the lobby!

also need to come up with a plan to solve my outstanding government criteria...

The Big Street - 1942 - DVD

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Here's Lucille Ball in an early stage of her career opposite Henry Fonda, in a riches to rags sort of story where Gloria Lyons (Lucille Ball) loses her crown as a popular nightclub singer after her bastardly boyfriend pushes her down the stairs and cripples her. Pinks (Henry Fonda) is the sensitive, adoring fan and bus boy at the club who takes her in to care for—but Ms. Lyons is a tempest and demands the finest food (champagne and caviar) even on his meager salary. The story doesn't end up as compelling as we hope, and the outcome is as you'd expect—with Ms. Lyons at the final realization that her demands upon Pinks and her taste for high fashion and culinary fare just don't wash. Still crippled in a wheelchair she resigns herself to a lifestyle within her means, and a sudden appreciation for poor Pinks who she's pushed around all these months. Story aside, it's worth a glimpse for Lucille Ball in her youthful svelte figure with sparkling gowns dangling from her torso. The woman is stunning, quite honestly—a fact probably drowned out by her slap-sticky comedy career. This wasn't her first film (it was actually her 51st film), but Fonda, already an established and high profile actor was reluctant to work with her because of it. Looking at her filmography it's clear she was a real rags-to-riches story herself. Picking up bit parts as early as 1933, and finally reaching her pinnacle with the I Love Lucy TV series.

The Page Turner - 2007 - DVD

Sunday, March 25, 2007

New! Read my review of The Page Turner in Four Magazine.

Breach - 2007 - Film

Friday, March 23, 2007

Besides Chris Cooper's performance I'm sad to admit I thought Breach was just okay. The trouble for me came in the technique of the screenplay, which did little to reveal what really happened in the off-hours of FBI agent Eric O'Neill's (Ryan Phillippe) life. His anxieties were overt and didn't have a lot of depth; when he was mentally wrecked we knew because we saw him pacing around with his superior, Kate Burroughs (Laura Linney), or fighting about work matters with his wife. The plot was very carefully laid out before us without much guesswork, which is what I anticipated for a film that's already about a publicly known subject. I wonder if that sounds too picky--because in the end, it was a suspenseful story, and there are few actors as calculating and frightening as Chris Cooper.

Taxi Driver - 1976 - DVD

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Yep, watched this again. 8th time? Or 80th time?

The last shot of Travis Bickle twitching his gaze in the rearview mirror again freaked the crap out of me. Scorsese says on the DVD "making of" documentary that it was a sound sample run backwards that accompanies that shot, as a momentary return to Bickle's psychotic mindscape. Meanwhile, 5 minutes before Iris (Jodi Foster) shook me to a momentary jolt of tears as she screams, "No, don't shoot him!" Brains splatter on the wall. The famous surveillance shot curves across the ceiling of the room where the slaughter just took place. I again am overwhelmed, and will return to Taxi Driver in a year for my annual viewing.

mother nature just isn't on my side!

T-Minus: 6 Days!!!

Gulp...

Location: Otago Museum

Objective: Job

i know i've said this a lot people of the innerweb, but time really IS running out! if i don't meet these government criteria ASAP i'm in a LOT of trouble!

it was with this burden hanging over my shoulders that today unfolded...

my goal was the otago museum. the last place with a job i was qualified for (and more to the point wanted).

i had already tried to venture to the museum once already this month. the weather didn't cooperate then...

as though to try and tell me that i was doomed to yet another failure mother nature ONCE again unleashed as much precipitation as she could. my walk through the botanic gardens was once again very unpleasant. though of no fault of the garden's i assure you!




i now appreciate the generously placed gazebos all the more after today. just like my last trip to the museum these structures sheltered me for wetness bombardment... unlike last time though i really wasn't going to give up... even if it meant waiting out the storm for hours...

which is what it took! the rain would die down just long enough for me to run to the next gazebo... that is till i ran out of park and gazebos... at this point i had NO choice, but to either waste time waiting (and possibly not make it too the museum, and insure my deportation) OR get soaked right before a job interview...


i made the only choice available to me at this point. after a horrifically wet walk i finally made it too the otago museum. however due to my trying to wait out the rain i only had 20 minutes... which was cause for a slight crisis!

i had hoped to at least preview the place before applying. that way i could show some interest, and knowledge of the place. instead i had to deal with my appearance. cause i was one soakedasaurus at this point let me tell you!

fortunately 10 minutes under a hand dryer in the bathroom fixed that! such utility in these devices...

the only problem with this stop, i had NO time to spare. the museum closed very shortly...

oh man it was stressful people of the web wide world... all my hopes and dreams were pinned on this one moment...

walking up to the counter i introduced myself as confidently as i could... considering my whole new future in a dinosaur-less land rested in the balance...

vanessa the staffer was surprised to see me (again they just don't have dinosaurs down here on the south island), but extremely intrigued. she does work at a museum after all.

explaining to her that i was here seeking the security job i presented my resume...

the instant she took it from me i could feel my heart rate pick up... that or some horrible parasitic eggs were in my lunch and they were hatching in my chest...

she asked me some slightly detailed questions about my resume. in particular about my work at the royal tyrrell... i answered them as best i could. vanessa gave away little as she proceeded through her checking of my credentials.

after what seemed like 5 minutes (which coincidentally is how long it took!) she said she was satisfied with the "interview"...

"you start tomorrow at 4pm" she said. oh man i couldn't believe it... after all i'd been through i failed again. what was i going to d... WAIT A SECOND?!?!?!?!?

"uh sorry did you just say i start tomorrow?" i asked.

"yeah. congratulations" she replied.

i can't believe it either people of the innerweb!!!

after all these months of failure, and heart break did i just get a big break?

with a job i might just make my criteria. for one i don't need a job now. second now i'll be earning money and so i can rent a place to live...

i might just beat this countdown thing afterall!!!

saved by a lack of saving

T-Minus: 7 days!!!

Oh no!

Location: Salmond Hall

Objective: Home, Signature

.
okay things are getting really bad here people of the web wide world! one week till the government expects me to check in with the criteria... out of all the 3 things i need to have, i've got 1/3 of one done...

.

as if that wasn't enough of a crisis a new problem presented itself that may do me in for good...

so as you know i've been living with my legal guardian craig in his "flat" (not sure why kiwis call rooms and apartments flats, but they do...). we had a deal that i'd only be here till i had a place to move to. as i needed a home for the government anyway this was a very workable arrangement. or at least it seemed so...

that is till today.

now a some incredibly bad weather had set in on Dunedin, and trapped us in for the day. craig was working on some homework for his classes when i walked in...

suddenly he looks up at me and gets really grouchy "traumador what are you still doing here?"

"uh i just got back" i tell him. i was going to go to the museum, but the rain is just TOO much.

"no here. as in why are you still living here traumador?" he growled at me.

"you've got a week left, and as far as i can tell you haven't looked into a new place since you got kicked off pilot's beach!"

to be honest he was kinda right. i hadn't focused on the home search as much as i shoulda been...

still at the same time i HAD been trying.

i told him hopefully i'd have something soon.

craig just got really frustrated... kinda like the way dan used too. this was altogether too much like things in drumheller used to be...

fortunately or not fortunately (i'm not sure) craig stormed out of the room. now of course i did the most considerate and well thought out thing one could in this situation...

i jumped onto the empty puter! no wonder craig was so on edge. he was in the middle of a bunch of boring homework assignments... if i had to do all this i'd be grumpy too!

well i solved that problem right away by closing them all... come to think if it maybe i shoulda saved them...

i wasn't going to waste this opportunity! i needed to find a place to live ASAP. that way craig won't be mad at me anymore, and too boot i'd be closer to my criteria!

okay who ever came up with prices for homes sure isn't a very nice person!!!

for one they cost money in the first place! who knew! i always thought dan and craig asked me for rent money cause they were renting our furniture or something!

there was NO way i was going to be able to afford a place of my own in dunedin. at least without a job. which of course i also still hadn't managed to get...

geez people of the web wide world! after i made a pact with myself that i won't give up, and that i'd make something of my life the universe sure isn't making it easy...

i could tell i was going to get kicked out of new zealand for sure now!

i figured i should go make myself scarce for when craig got back. all i needed to make feel not better was him yelling at me some more...

as i headed down the hall i unexpectedly was greeted from one of the rooms... it was owain. the nice guy who taught me how to play table tennis. he couldn't help but notice i was feeling kinda sad. he asked me why.

so i told him all about my problems with the governments criteria, and how i was doomed to be deported...

he told me to cheer up. it wasn't all doom and gloom he said. i still had a week, and that was plenty of time for things to sort themselves out.

owain then said he could help me out right now... alright! i thought out loud. oops.

was he going to give me a job? oh no wait he was going to let me live with him!

owain said "why didn't you mention that you needed a signature when we played table tennis? i would have given you it then man."

he was just going to give me an autograph... oh man. i should have known this wasn't going to solve anything...

wait a second!

with this signature i was only going to need one more!!!

just like that, my day went from total failure to a slight victory!

i guess sometimes the universe gives us undersaurs a break every now and then after all...

owain was right. a week is plenty of time. i can do this people of the innerweb. i can meet the rest of my criteria by the end of the week! i must!!!