Procedure

Procedure. I prefer to use the term procedure rather than operation or surgery, I've decided. It sounds mysterious. Professional. It could mean anything.

As some of you know, I had a "procedure" on January 5th. I debated telling anyone (other than my close real life friends) or keeping it totally mum to my online universe. I figured in my few first days home it would be too hard to keep secret because the recovery is going to take a bit more time than I anticipated and being stuck in bed is boring as hell. Can't lie about my whereabouts for a month now, can I?

Ahhhh. A fine line of how personal and how private one must remain on the interweb!

First of all, it's nothing to worry about. I am fine. I'm healthy. Second of all, it's not boobies! LOL! That's often asked when a "procedure" is mentioned. Good god. If I wanted them I would have bought them by now. Believe it or not, there are chicks who are more than content with their boobies just the way they are. I am one and always have been! I'm a tiny, bony little body. I hate bras. I love that I don't have to wear them.

I'm not getting into any other details with regards to said "procedure".

What I will tell you is how things have been for one week now.

It was the most peaceful go to sleep / wake up I've ever had. I was out for a long time. I didn't feel the IV and anesthesia guy was wise to keep me engaged in conversation while it was inserted. As you guys have read in many other posts here, I am scared to death of doctors, needles, hospitals, etc. The staff was amazing. They treated me so well and were very comforting. I don't remember falling asleep. He said he was going to give me a little something to calm me down in my IV. I almost instantly felt drunk and then I was waking up. My sweetheart says we had a conversation but I don't remember anything!

Thank god this hospital let me sleep for a few hours before I had to go home. I have a hard time shaking it off and even trying to open my eyes.

I was given lortab for the pain and told I could take 1 or 2 every 4 hours. Pain pills kick my ass. Plus, I'm scared of them. I don't even like to take advil. I guess sometime the next day I asked for 1 and 1/2, meaning just that once...but my sweetheart gave me that dose every time not knowing. Needless to say, I remember nothing again.

He got sick. Sick sick sick.

Thought it was food poisoning from hospital food.

But thursday morning? I got it.

Flu.

Oh. My. God. I thought I was going to die. I've never felt worse in my entire life. It was terrible. It lasted from 6 am until the evening. I couldn't stop throwing up. If I wasn't already in enough pain. I didn't know if I would have to go back to the hospital or what. Eventually it left as quickly as it had come on and by that night I was able to eat a little soup and start again to get some strength back. I seriously can't tell you how horrific that day was. I feel like if I could live through that I can live through anything.

I have the best sweetheart and parents to take care of me right now, oh my god. The best.

I took one last half a pill this morning and that seems to be the last I'll have to take. I think I can handle it from here on out. I'm tougher than I think, once again.

My brain is only starting to truly unfog the last day or so. I can't really leave the house and I am stuck in bed watching tv, sleeping, hopefully catching up on reading now that I am not delirious.

It can really really really really suck to be cooped up like this. I get so antsy I can't stand it. I guess the control freak in me likes a break when it's on my terms. This has become an involuntary vacation and I don't like that. I'm really trying hard to give in and relax and embrace it but it's hard! It could very well be like this for the month. I pretty much hate it. Yet I know how I am and I bet by this time next month I'll forget how it felt. Which is why I thought I would write it.

So that's about it. No making videos, no live blog tv (which I do want to start up as soon as I can again). No hanging out. No running around. No photo shoots. No runway. It's killing me to have to turn things down right now. So frustrating. I've got to get up and about and soon! I literally have 7 effing photo shoots to do next month! Plus a Valentines day Voodoo Darlings performance plus start "Amerigo" rehearsals mid march, PLUS my sweethearts birthday is on January 27th! Argh.....!

So... send me good vibes and keep me sane and entertained while this is all going on!

Thanks for reading, friends!

xo Deena Marie