After seeing some tweets of an online friend about mean girls a few weeks back, and recently having a conversation with a real life friend about loyal friends, I figured it was time to blog it, bitches.
It's perfect timing, since I was trying to make sense of recent events in my own life having to do with both of these subjects. Is there something in the air?!
I had what I thought was a very dear friend at one time horribly betray me right before a very very, very important time in my life. I have had no contact with her in two years and don't want any. It's hard for me to forgive, like I've said before. I don't forget. I could possibly move past it, given the time and chance, but if an apology was never attempted then there goes that chance.
Without getting into it all, let me just say this was a person I was always there for, listening too, counseling, etc. She was a hot mess. Couldn't keep a friendship, boyfriend or a job. Yet she always told me how it was the other person, how people were always so mean to her, constantly mistreating her. I believed it the first few years until I got fucked over and realized, "Wait - the common factor in all of this is YOU!"
Took me a long time to see it, despite the warning signs and warnings of other people, but I did. After/during the falling out, she kept contacting me and trying to hash this all out when I clearly couldn't and she knew it was not the time and place. In order to move on with my life in a healthy way, I had to cut her out. I blocked her online and she deleted her accounts.
Time passed and recently she popped up on FB in 'people you may know'. I was shocked to see we had more than just a few friends in common. She had not tried to contact me, but she sure went ahead and mooched off of all my friends...people that I know and am in contact with regularly. Was she trying to reach out to me? I don't think so. Trying to look like she has friends? I guess. Was it creepy? YES! I contacted those "mutual friends" with a warning she was lurking my sites, requesting my contacts. They could care less about her, told me so themselves, but there she is.
For what? To spy on me?! Move on! It's not like we got in a fight over a borrowed outfit, this was a big fucking deal and does she not realize how spooky this is coming across?! And do those "mutual friends" realize the message this sends? That her behavior is acceptable?! This brings me back to loyalty. Finding loyal friends is HARD! Really, really, really, really hard.
There are people I can trust. More than a few. But I find myself constantly let down when someone doesn't follow through. If you say you feel a certain way, or you're going to do something, fucking STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Back it up! I know I've said this before, I demand a lot of myself and so I demand a lot from others.
Now, nothing has/would happen in the sense that I'd cut anyone out of my life who's currently in it. No. But I still find those moments of, "Arghhh, why?! Why are you being fake to that person when you just said you don't like them?! Why did you end up doing something you'd just been talking shit on!?!" I. Don't. Get. It. If I don't like you? I'm not going to call you. I'm not going to fucking facebook you with a compliment I don't mean and I'm not going to invite you out with me. Isn't that much more honest? No? Yes?
Okay now these two topics are getting a bit more jumbled than I thought they would, but I'm going to keep going. There was something that happened with another online personality awhile ago and I didn't really talk about it but has to do with all of this, mainly mean girls. Someone who clearly felt threatened by me and took it upon herself to send me a beyond ridiculous myspace message and then again much more recently post more hateful comments, even here! On this little old blog that only has, what, 43 followers?!
I'm a tough girl, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. Why did it bother me? Because she doesn't know me. I don't know her. It's scary that someone takes that time out to leave you nasty comments. And another girl? It's beyond creepy. If someone goes out of their way to hate on you, it's clearly because they're threatened by you, they're jealous. Otherwise they wouldn't. It's that simple. God, if I felt that way about someone I would never, ever behave that way. Why would you want to show your weaknesses so blatantly? Look so childish? Grow up, work on your own art and stop obsessing over me or whoever else you're trying to harass. Online, of all places.
Good lord.
I just don't understand cruel behavior. Woman to woman. Especially as I get older. Girlfriends are so important. It's important to invest time and loyalty to the friendships you have. There's just too many catty bitches out there. I think it's important to check in on your friends and ask how they are, look out for them. And support them. They take the priority over someone you've met a handful of times. No pretense, no backhanded bullshit. If it's someone you really honest to god care for, then be in their corner and please, please ladies; remain loyal and knock off the nonsense.
Not that we all can't use a reminder to practice what we preach and say what we mean and mean what we say. Lord knows none of us are perfect.
I'm frustrated. Sometimes I think maybe I'm too loyal and too passionate for my own good.
Deena Marie
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