A Tree Planted by the Water

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I saw this video as I was surfing the web today thinking about what I wanted to blog about on the tenth anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks. The video struck a powerful chord with me. Even in the midst of the horror that scarred our nation on that day ten years ago, life goes on. Though we felt mangled and helpless and vulnerable, God gave us the grace to experience the only thing that really matters - God's love. God was and is with us calling us to new life, forgiveness, and healing so that we might be like trees that never fail to bear fruit.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
- Jeremiah 17:7-8, NIV
 
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

A Walking Advertisement

I stopped a local restaurant this evening on my way home from work to get some dinner. As I sat down at my table, a woman sitting at a table nearby said, "There's someone from Habitat." I wondered how she knew I was with Habitat for Humanity and then I realized I was wearing a shirt with the TriState Habitat for Humanity logo on it. Duh!
Anyway, I went over to the table and the woman introduced herself and her husband who was sitting with her to me. I introduced myself. We then talked for several minutes and I discovered that this couple volunteers with the Cincinnati Habitat for Humanity affiliate. They are very active construction volunteers and have been volunteering with Habitat for a number of years. In fact, they met for the first time as a single people on a Habitat job site and are now married.
After our conversation, I went back to my table and said a prayer of thanksgiving for running into these two dedicated Habitat volunteers. I was so glad that I was wearing my shirt. I am proud to be a walking advertisement for Habitat. I am passionate about our mission and the work that we do. I want the world to know the difference that Habitat is making in the TriState region, the United States, and around the world. I am so proud to be able to represent Habitat and to be able to connect with others who share my passion for bringing an end to poverty housing in the world.
I also got to thinking about how I am not always the best walking advertisement for my faith. I don't always represent Christ to the world in the most positive manner. I only need to look to my morning commute to recognize this. I am too often filled with road rage and certainly don't offer much grace to the drivers around me who I am convinced are all on the road driving stupidly just to make me mad.
I also am not the best ambassador for Christ when I remain silent in the face of the injustice I see in life. I often times would rather just not make any waves rather than stand up for what I know to be right in God's eyes. I take the easy way out by often people are led to believe that I accept the injustice that is taking place because I am silent.
So, tonight I'm giving God thanks for the opportunity I had to be a witness for the mission of Habitat. I am also praying that God will give me the courage and peace to be a more faithful witness for Jesus in the world.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Discipline

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

- 2 Timothy 1:7, NIV

Discipline. This is one of the things that often seems to be lacking in my life. I have times when I get really focused and can be disciplined on a specific thing, but sooner or later, I seem to slip back into old patterns that are undisciplined and even harmful to me.
This is certainly true when it comes to my physical health. I have so many times started diets and not stayed with them. I have started exercise programs and have not stayed with them. I have tried to watch my eating and tried to live a more healthy lifestyle and in the end I fail miserably at this.
I also feel that I lack discpline in my work life. I try to be more organized and plan ahead better. What usually ends up happening is that I procrastinate and run around feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I have attended workshops to help me deal with clutter on my desk and how to use my time better. I do well for a while and then it gets out of control. Right now, I have the beginnings of an unruly nest of papers that need to be filed. I fear that it soon will become a tall stack of stuff that will fill my desk.
I also feel like I lack much discipline in my spiritual life. I try to grow in my prayer life and add new ways of experiencing God. I may stick with them for a while and then I either lose interest or the will to stick with them. I seem to lack a kind of inner discipline even when it comes to the most importation relationship in my life.
The good news is that God is a God of grace and new beginnings. Every time I fall off the diet wagon, stack papers up to the ceiling on my desk, or don't take the time to nurture my relationship with God, God is still there to love me. God helps me start again. God renews my strength and reminds me that all things are possible through Christ Who strengthens me. God loves me where I am empowers me to grow in love and discipline in life and faith. Thanks be to God!

Thanks for being a part of my journey!

More Like You

More like you, Jesus, more like you
Fill my heart with your desire
to make me more like you.

- More Like You, Scott Wesley Brown

We sang this song today in worship. We have sung it before. It's just a simple praise chorus but for some reason it really hit my heart today. I felt as if God was trying to speak to me on a deeper level through this song. As I sang the words, I found myself in a very focused prayerful state of being. I almost didn't want it to end because I felt like I was connecting with God in a very intimate way as I sang my praise to my Creator.
Now that I think about it, this is really a scary prayer to pray. Because if I'm really serious about becoming more like Jesus then I've got to really get rid of a bunch of baggage. I need to be able to love more deeply and forgive more readily. I need to be willing to do what God wants in my life and not what I want. I need to be willing to walk difficult paths and trust in God to guide me.
I'm definitely not there yet. I've made some progress but for every step forward it seems that I take about three steps backward. I ask God to make me more loving and then God always seems to put people in my path who I find it difficult to love. I ask God to give me more peace and then God seems to allow the storms of my life to flare up and I become consumed by stress and worry. I desire to be more holy so that others may look upon my life as an example and then I say or do something that is far from holy. The truth is, I mess up because I am messed up by the human condition of sin.
While it would be tempting to just throw up my hands and forget it all and wallow in my sin. I know that is not the life God wants for me. So, I boldly and humbling continue to pray "More like you, Jesus, more like you." And each time I pray this prayer, God works in some new way in my heart. God moves me to do something I wouldn't normally do. God reveals to me something that I had not seen before. God shows me again the path of holy living and promises to walk with me.
So, tonight I'm giving God thanks for this moment of prayer, song, and praise to the One Who calls me by name. I'm giving thanks to Jesus who leads me and sometimes carries me when I don't have the strength to make the journey on my own. I'm filled with gratitude for my loving God Who molds me and shapes me into a new creation. I'm blessed by a Savior who calls me to follow him and be more like him every day.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

The Daily Grind

I have felt this week like I'm living a bit in a rut. I'm not sure why. I have done some different things. On Monday evening I went with my brother-in-law Rob to see Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I really enjoyed it. I have had some meetings in and out of the office that are different from my regular routine. Yesterday I got to have lunch with two of my co-workers. We approved a new Habitat Partner Family on Tuesday. I have received some new applications for Habitat home ownership. Yet, with all of this I have felt like I'm in a rut.
I think the rut is not so much my daily routine with work but more in my spiritual life. I am feeling a bit distant from God. I recognize that God hasn't moved so it must be me. I am working on getting involved in a small group at my church. I think this will help. However, I wonder if there isn't something else I need to doing to nurture my spirit and relationship with God. I wish I had an answer.
The good thing is that usually when I'm feeling like this, God has lessons for me to learn if I pay attention. It feels like something is just around the bend and I need to prepare myself for whatever might be coming. While I don't know what's going to happen, I trust that God does know. It's that sense of trust that will sustain me through this time of feeling like I'm caught in the daily grind in life.
I am ever grateful for God's presence and love in my life. I am also grateful for your willingness to be a part of my journey!

An Answer to Prayers

I am really excited this evening. I just got off the phone with someone from my church who works with the small group program. I shared earlier on this blog that I have been wanting to get more involved and have felt called to be a part of a small group. The man from my church invited me to help launch and lead a new small group.
This sounds like just the kind of ministry that I love. I also am grateful for the opportunity to get to know more people in my church. Being the introvert that I am, I have really not branched out much beyond attending worship for the past year. So, connecting to a small group will really be good for me.
I ask for your prayers as I go through the training and orientation. I also ask for your prayers for those who I have yet to meet who will be a part of my small group. I look forward to growing faith with them.
I know God is up to something good in all of this. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

An Answer to Prayer

I wrote earlier this month that I have been feeling nudged. One of the specific things that I have been praying about is my need to be involved in some kind of small group through my church. I wasn't sure I wanted to join a Sunday School class right now. I also wasn't feeling led to participate in a Disciple Bible Study at this time. I really felt like I wanted to be a part of a Christian accountability or discipleship group.
Well, on Sunday, there was an insert in my church's bulletin about all of the new classes and groups the church plans to start this fall. They listed about 25 new classes on various topics. Last on the list was a line about discipleship groups that they hope to launch. These groups would meet together for prayer, support, accountability, study, and service. This is exactly what I had been praying about. I was so grateful to see this listed and to learn that my church was going to launch these new discipleship groups this fall. It was a true answer to prayer. I signed up on the card and dropped it in the offering plate when it came around.
I am really looking forward to learning more about these new discipleship groups. I look forward to meeting the people that will be in my discipleship group. I know there are some amazing people who also feel called to be a part of a discipleship group. God will allow our paths to cross and in doing so allow us to grow and be nurtured in life and faith.
This was just another reminder of how God answers prayers. God allowed me to sense this nudging and then put the opportunity to be a part of a small group right in my path. While God gave me the free will to decide whether or not to fill out that card and drop it in the offering plate, God also paved the way for me to link up with other Christians in a safe environment that I know is going to be a wonderful next step in my journey. I am already praying for the people that God will bring together in my small group. I can't wait to meet them.
So, today I'm giving God thanks and praise for answered prayers.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Mystery Mission Trip

Today in worship at my church, we commissioned our youth mission team. They left today for a week-long mission trip. The pastor explained that they were leaving but they didn't know where they were going. The destination is being kept a secret from the youth. It sounds like they may be going to more than one place. We are going to be able to follow their travels and progress through the church website.
The pastor said a really neat thing. He told the congregation that in many ways this is what missions should be for all Christians. We should be willing to go wherever God leads us and needs us. We often try to control things and never leave our comfort zones. Yet, Jesus calls us to go into ALL the world - the dark places, the dangerous places, the hurting places, the starving places, and the broken places.
I am looking forward to following the youth mission team as they go into the world to bring the good news of Jesus Christ to the world. I hope you will join me in praying for them. I know God is going to bless them in huge ways.
Thanks for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!

Mission and Ministry

Today was a really good day of worship at my church. Bishop John G. Innis of The United Methodist Church in Liberia was our guest speaker. It was wonderful to hear about the ministry of the church in Liberia and how God is working through the people there.
We also heard a report from the Awaken the City mission program that is sponsored by my church. It brings church groups from the region and other parts of the country to Cincinnati for a week at a time. The groups volunteer at inner city soup kitchens, food pantries, senior centers, and churches.
We also had an impromptu prayer for one of our pastors who has been receiving treatment for cancer. According to the doctors, his cancer is now in remission. Several congregation members came forward to lay hands on the pastor and his wife and pray for them.
On my way home after worship, I said a prayer of thanksgiving for my congregation and its many ministries. I really feel like I need to get more involved and I felt like this morning was just another sign from God that I need to move forward in taking a more active role in using my gifts to build up the Body of Christ.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Matt

I received word today that a man who was a part of the last congregation that I pastored in Indiana had passed away today. When I received the news, I started to cry. I received the news at the end of a particularly hard day and so I think the tears flowed more freely than they might have on another. Yet, even as I cried, I also felt a kind of deep assurance that even though this was the end of Matt's life in this life, it was not the end of Matt's eternal life.
When I first met Matt, I'm not sure he wanted much to do with me. At least that's how it seemed to me as a pastor who visited his hospital room. I was asked by a friend of Matt's wife to visit Matt in the hospital. I was always a bit uncomfortable doing this. Being the introvert that I am, I always felt weird barging into a stranger's hospital room. I was never sure if I would be welcomed or not. Some people would enjoy having me visit. Some people didn't want to have me anywhere near them. Some people would politely tolerate me. Still others would get very agitated or upset when they saw me. I guess they thought that if the pastor was coming, they were going to get bad news about their medical condition.
Matt suffered from diabetes. It was the kind of diabetes that caused Matt to eventually lose both of his legs. At the time that I first visited him, I think he had just had a surgery and was recovering in the hospital from that. Our conversation was brief and consisted of only few words.
I don't remember if I prayed with Matt at that time. This was often a confusing thing for some people to know how to respond when I asked if I could pray with them. Matt was not really a church person, so I'm certain if he did invite me to pray with him, it was not the most natural thing for him to experience. I remember thinking that if I was in Matt's position of having my body parts amputated that I'm not sure I would want to talk to God. In fact, my guess is that Matt was pretty mad at God at that time. At least that was my perception.
I remember that I visited Matt again several months later when he was in the hospital for another surgery or procedure. While he was still kind of gruff around the edges, he seemed to tolerate my visit better than the first time. I remember that our conversation was a bit longer and he seemed more cordial. I was also probably more at ease because I had met him before.
While I believe that God was at work in Matt's heart and life through all of his health problems, I'm not sure that Matt realized this and I'm not sure I really could see it happening. I think I was going to visit Matt out of a sense of obligation to Matt's wife's friend who was one of my congregation members. I still felt uncomfortable doing it and I think Matt was uncomfortable having me visit.
Several more months later, I visited Matt again in the hospital. He had fallen and broken a bone in his leg. This was not good. I think the doctors were trying to figure out a way to save his leg. During this visit Matt seemed both discouraged and more open to my visit. We talked more and I remember praying with him and he seemed to really appreciate it.
After this, Matt went to stay in a rehab facility for an extended period. They tried to build up his strength and help him to keep his leg. One day during this period, I had a craving for Chinese food. One of my favorite Chinese buffets was over near the rehab center where Matt was staying. After eating some wonderful Chinese food, I felt like God was nudging me to stop in and see Matt.
On this day Matt seemed really glad to see me. He smiled as we talked. His spirit seemed really light. He had a real look of peace about him. He shared that he had been attending a Bible study at the rehab center and that he was learning a lot. He had a lot of questions about the Bible and wanted to learn more. He then shared with me that he felt he was ready to accept Jesus into his heart. He asked if I would pray with him as he did that.
I was both humbled and filled with joy as I joined him in this most holy of moments in his life. When we were done praying, he said he felt a peace like he had never felt before in his life. He looked as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Whatever was happening with his physical body didn't seem to matter as much any more. He was truly a new creation in Christ.
After that, I got some men from the church to go with me and we would hold Bible studies in Matt's room at the rehab center. We would talk and discuss life and the Scriptures and I learned and grew as did the others who joined us. Matt always seemed eager to learn and grow in his new found faith in Christ.
When Matt got to finally go home, we moved the Bible study to his house. I remember that he lived on the other side of county from where I lived and it was quite a trek to get to his house. I would sometimes grumble about the time and energy it took to do this Bible study. However, I always felt renewed after I attended these Bible studies. Matt's willingness to learn and grow always reminded me of why we were doing what we were doing.
I realize now that those were times when I really felt like the church was at its best. We were being the church to Matt but he was also a vital part of the Body of Christ as we talked and joked and studied together. He was in ministry to and with us. This was exactly the way the church began. Those first Christians met in people's homes for study, worship, support, and fellowship. In fact, I often got more out of these home Bible studies at Matt's house than I did leading Sunday morning worship for a congregation made up of many people who were more focused on preserving irrelevant traditions than truly living as disciples of Jesus Christ. Matt was definitely Jesus to me in some deep and abiding ways that I don't think I will fully understand until I see him in heaven.
When I received the email telling me about Matt's death from my friend Mari, she quoted our friend Kathy who said about Matt's passing, “We all know where Matt is now because Kevin led him to Lord.” When I read those words, I used about three tissues as I broke down and cried some more.
I don't know how much leading I really did, but I do feel that God allowed me to get a craving for Chinese food and then led me to stop in on that most important of days in Matt's journey in this world. I do feel God was able to use me in some way to reach out to Matt and offer him the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. It was a day that forever changed Matt's heart and life. It was a day on which all the company of heaven was cheering him on and celebrating his new faith in Jesus.
As I write this blog entry, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for Matt and his life that helped to change my heart and life. It was truly an honor to journey with him for the short time that I did. I know there is a big celebration going on in heaven today as Matt is welcomed into the presence of God. I can just see him running on new legs into the loving arms of Jesus as he hears the words "Well done, Matt! My good and faithful servant!"
Thank you Matt for showing me the power of God's life-changing grace! I look forward to the day when we meet again at the feet of Jesus.
I invite you to join me in praying for Matt's family as they journey through this time of grief.
Thank you for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!

Feeling Nudged

I've been feeling nudged lately. I think the nudging is coming from God but I'm not quite sure yet. I know that I have been feeling a bit restless and that usually means that God is at work some way in my heart and life. I think I need to pay attention to this nudge. If I don't, it will drive me crazy.
I think this nudge has something to do with a sense of calling to be more involved in my church's ministry in some way. There are a lot of really cool things going on with my church and I guess I have kind of been sitting back and not really participating as much as I could. I know God has ministry for me to do through my church and I need to put my spiritual gifts to work.
The other part of this is that I need to expand my circle of friends. I think my visit with my friends Vickie and Patty last weekend brought this to light for me. They have been such wonderful friends who have loved me and journeyed with me through some challenging times. They have prayed for and with me. They have been sounding boards and signs of God's grace in my life. I also know that there are these kinds of spiritual friends for me here in the Cincinnati area. However, I can't meet them if I stay home and watch Netflix all the time. So, I guess I've got to get off the couch and out in the community.
Of course, I could be totally off about this nudging going on in my life and heart. That's why I also need to spend some time in prayer. My prayer time needs to be more about me listening rather than talking. I long to do God's will with my whole life and the only way that's going to happen is for me to pay attention to times like this when I feel nudged.
I would appreciate your prayers during this time of discernment. Thank you for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!

One of Those Days

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

-John 13:34-35, NRSV

Today was one of those days. I kind of wish I would have stayed in bed. I think I would have done less damage to the world.
It started off when I got several phone calls at the office and they were all challenging in their own way. With each phone call, I found myself becoming more and more agitated. I felt myself becoming defensive and had a hard time holding my tongue. At one point, I let my sarcastic nature get the best of me and I said things I should not have said.
After one particularly difficult phone call, I began venting to my co-workers about the bad morning I was having and how much some of the people on the other end of the phone were irritating me. Then one of my co-workers reminded me that we are called to love all people including our enemies and those who frustrate us. Then another one of my co-workers said that her observation of me is that I love people whom I feel are being oppressed but not I have little use for those who are the oppressors. While I had to to agree with this statement, I really didn't want to hear this.
However, if I am really honest with myself, I simply stink at truly loving people - especially those whom I find challenging or difficult. I find it very easy to agree with the bumper sticker that I've seen several times: "Mean people suck." I don't have much use for mean people and my experience has been that most mean people don't even know that they are mean. If they do know, they don't really care.
I know that hurt people hurt people and that many of the people with whom I work make it difficult for anyone to love them. Yet, I am called to do just that. I don't want to do it but I am commanded to do it. Today I had several opportunities to show love and I failed miserably. I hate to admit this, but it's true.
Of course, the good news is that God is a God of unlimited mercy and grace. God forgives me and allows me to move forward in life in faith and hope. In many ways, I was a mean person today and failed to even try to love my enemies yet God loves me anyway.
It's this Good News that will sustain me as I put my head down on the pillow tonight. I will rest in the arms of love and forgiveness. And, if God sees fit to allow me to do so, I will awaken in the morning and begin a new day with the opportunity to love both the people I like and the people I don't like. Hopefully, I will not repeat the same mistakes tomorrow.
I hope you have a good night. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

My Life Feels So Disorganized

My life feels so disorganized, Holy Spirit. It seems as if everything around me is piling up. It’s not just the drawers that need reorganizing, the kitchen that needs cleaning, or the heap of stuff in the garage that needs sorting—it’s everything:



my daily schedule crammed full of tasks,


my house crying out for a major cleaning


my office with the overflowing in box and stacks of junk—


even my relationships are disorganized.


I feel disjointed, out of control, out of touch.


Bring order into my life. Help me sort through all the things around me.


Help me see what needs to be kept,


what needs to be thrown away,


and what needs to be changed. . . .


O Holy Spirit, even as I say this, I feel fear. I know that things need to change. I know, deep in my heart, that my life’s disorganization is symptomatic of a deeper disorganization.
I need your gentle breeze to blow through my spiritual life. I need your strong wind to sort through the stacks of issues I don’t want to face. I need your quiet presence as I deal with the unspoken prayers, the unfulfilled desires, the unrecognized emotions I have hidden away.
Holy Spirit, come now, in this moment, and in the recesses of my heart, begin the process of organization. Begin to sweep out the dark corners, sift through the crammed closets, and blow through all my dark places. May you blow through my life every day. Through your power, bring order into all the chaos around me. Amen.

- Patricia Wilson, Quiet Spaces

The prayer above was a part of my e-devotional this morning. It was the perfect prayer for me to pray at the start of my day. While I don't have a garage that is full of stuff, everything else pretty much hits the mark. While I have learned some tips along the way to help myself make better use of my time, I still am not an organized person in so many ways.
This disorganization carries over into my relationships. Too often I feel like I am not a very faithful friend, son, brother, uncle, co-worker, or church member. I coast a lot and allow others to carry my relationships too much. I tell myself I don't have the time or resources or some other lame excuse. The truth is, I get lazy and I don't want to make the kinds of accommodations that being in relationship means for me.
There is no relationship that this is more true than in my relationship with God. I am pretty much a weasel when it comes to my relationship with God. I don't want to be inconvenienced or have to go out of my way to live out my faith. I want to always take the easy path. Heaven forbid that I should really take up my cross and follow Jesus. That certainly wouldn't work into my schedule.
The good news in all of this is that God is a God of unending patience and grace. God is always a faithful Father and Friend. God is always ready to listen. God is always calling my name. God continues to call me to a kind of perfect order in my life that is centered around Jesus. In spite of my disorganization and selfish behavior and foolishness, God still loves me with a love that will never let me go. Into my chaos, God blows fresh winds of forgiveness and mercy.
Thanks be to God!
Thank you for being a part of my journey!

Busy

We are busy, each of us, and together we all of us are doing various things in our various congregations, but all that holy activity, church busyness and business, may carry and keep us far from the Holy One. If we are not careful we will be like Martha in the kitchen — doing so many things for Jesus, so we suppose, that we do not have time to be with Jesus. We will not be alert to what Jesus is already at work doing for, in, and among us — and we may wind up estranged from our brothers and sisters.

- Thomas Steagald, Shadows, Darkness, and Dawn

This e-devotional really resonated with me when I read it. I was there. I was all about church busyness and church business and I felt on many days very far from the Holy One. I don't believe that God was far from me but I feel as if I was working so hard in the name of Jesus that I didn't really have time for Jesus.
During this time I did everything I was "supposed to" do. I prayed. I read and studied the Scriptures. I had an active worship life. I fasted. I tithed. I went on spiritual retreats. I participated in a Christian accountability group. I filled my schedule with all of this stuff, yet on so many days, I felt alone and weary.
While there were a whole lot of other things going on with me during that time, one of the things that I think I didn't do enough was just spend time being with Jesus. Ironically, it was only by stepping away from all of that church work that caused me to really understand what was going on in my relationship with Jesus.
I'm still learning about what it means to just be present to Jesus. What I have come to know is that I could only have learned some of the lessons I have learned by being busy with church work. If I didn't have those experiences, I would not be able to learn about what it means to live without all of that busyness and business. I also know that in all of this, God has allowed me to grow as a person and as a Christian in some truly amazing and grace-filled ways. As challenging and confusing and frustrating as it sometimes is, I give God thanks for this path.
Thanks for being a part my journey!

Family Advocates

I got to meet with and orient a new Family Advocate in my work with TriState Habitat for Humanity today. Family Advocates are volunteers who work with our Partner Families from the time that they are approved as Partner Families until a year after they close on their homes. This is a huge commitment and we are blessed to have so many dedicated volunteers who agree to journey with our Partner Families in this way.
One of the things that I talk about with new Family Advocates is that advocacy is really about "doing with" the Partner Family rather than "doing for" the Partner Family. The most effective Advocates come alongside Partner Families and both hold them accountable to the expectations of Habitat partnership and encourage them. Advocates are the people our Partner Families can lean on for encouragement when they are struggling with balancing their work schedules, family schedules, and trying to complete their 500 hours of sweat equity. However, Advocates are not supposed to do the hours for their assigned families. Sometimes they have to use "tough love" and remind their assigned families of the agreements they made when they signed their letters of intent to partner with Habitat.
Being a Family Advocate is both a great joy and a lot of hard work. It involves a lot of paper work, regular contact with the Partner Family, and commitment to the mission of Habitat for Humanity to give families a hand up rather than a hand out. Advocacy requires a lot of patience, good listening skills, and a passion for working with the poor.
I give God thanks and praise that we have so many wonderful volunteers who feel called to serve as Family Advocates. I am grateful for the help that they give to our Partner Families and for their willingness to be the face of Jesus to them.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Dirty Shoes

As I shared with you in a previous post, I had the honor on Saturday of participating in a wall raising service in Oxford, Ohio. This is the first house that TriState Habitat for Humanity is building in what will be a twenty home subdivision. The subdivision is called Reckford Woods named in honor of the current CEO of Habitat for Humanity Jonathan Reckford. There will be two cul-de-sacs in the subdivision: Carter Court (named after President Jimmy Carter) and Fuller Way (named after Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity).
As a part of the wall raising service, I gave a devotional. In my devotional, I talked about the shoes I was wearing. I shared with those gathered that for the wall raising that these shoes were my wall raising service shoes. They are my old tennis shoes. I don't care if they get dirty or muddy. In fact, when I put them on last Saturday morning, there was still mud on these shoes from the last wall raising service in Northern Kentucky. I also probably had mud from an earlier wall raising service in Clermont County, Ohio.
I told the volunteers and Habitat Partner Family that they would most likely leave with mud or dirt on their shoes and that was okay. They would be taking a little bit of that site with them to where they live and work and learn and play. This is a good thing because at that moment they were standing on holy ground. Before time began, God knew that a miracle would take place on that land. God knew that people from different backgrounds and faith communities would come together for a common purpose. God knew that a family would one day have a safe, decent, affordable home in which to live on that land. By taking that dirt with them on their shoes, the volunteers, staff, and Partner Family were spreading God's holiness and grace out into the world. They were going to also carry their excitement and acts of service with them as well. That mud and dirt is a sign and symbol of God's amazing grace.
When I came home, I noticed that I had some new mud on my shoes. When I saw that mud, I gave God thanks for the miracle that I am a part of that is Habitat for Humanity. I thanked God for the chance I have every day to serve the least of these in our world. I thanked God for the lessons that our Partner Families teach me. I thanked God for the volunteers and staff who work so hard to make the dream of home ownership possible for families living in poverty. I thanked God for the nineteen other families who I have not even met yet who will one day take a step of faith to apply for our home ownership program.
I am truly blessed beyond my wildest dreams. For me, ministry does not get much better than this. I love this work - mud and all!
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Lessons Learned

I'm really tired and sore today but it's a good tired. I also know that I am sore because I accomplished a huge thing in my life. Yesterday I walked the Flying Pig Half-Marathon. I still can't believe it but I really did it.
As I've been reflecting on my experience, I have been thinking about the lessons that I learned throughout this entire process. So, I thought I would share with out some of the things that I learned.

Every Journey Begins with the First Step - This journey for me began last December. My sister Stacey sent out an email encouraging me to sign up to walk in the Flying Pig Half-Marathon. At first, I thought she was crazy. I think I just let the email sit in my inbox for a few weeks. However, I kept thinking about it. On the last day of the early bird registration fee, I decided to go ahead and do it. I had no idea really what I was doing but I decided this is something I wanted to do and really needed to do. It was going to be good for me. So, I took the first step and it forever changed the last four months of my life. Every important thing that I have done in my life began with a first step.

Pain Is a Part of Life - I have experienced new levels of pain in my training and in walking the marathon. My back hurt. My legs hurt. My head hurt. My knees hurt. My feet hurt. Today I'm nursing a blister on the bottom of my foot. The wet weather yesterday didn't help matters. However, what I learned is that you can push past the pain. It's still there. It reminds you of your humanness. However, it doesn't have to defeat you. I nearly had an anxiety attack on Saturday night thinking about the painful big blisters that were going to form on my feet. I also wondered if I was ever going to walk again after I stopped and tried to get out of my parents' truck after the ride home. I was so stiff and in a lot of pain. However, I rested and it is better. What I'm left with in spite of the pain is a huge sense of accomplishment. We all walk around with some kind of pain - emotional, physical, psychological. What we do with that pain makes all the difference in our journey of life and faith.

It's Better If You Don't Have to Make the Journey Alone - I thank God for my friend Karen's willingness to walk with me. Through our training, she held me accountable and helped me to stay motivated. When we were walking and we didn't know if we were going to make it, we lifted one another up. I don't know if I would have been able to do this on my own. The same is true in my life. I am an introvert and I need a lot of alone time to recharge my batteries; however, I cannot mistake my need for alone time as a license to be a social hermit. I need other people to encourage me, love me when I'm not very lovable, and laugh with me. While sometimes you need to walk alone to have time to reflect, having companions can really make a huge difference.

It's Vital to Have Encouragement Along the Way - One of the best things about walking in the Flying Pig Marathon are the different groups who encourage you along the way. There were high school cheerleaders, barber shop quartet groups, Gospel groups, rock bands, and even an Elvis impersonator. I think I most enjoyed the groups of people who just stood in a group and cheered for us and shouted words of encouragement. They told us that we could do it. They told us we were doing a good job. They clapped and whooped and hollered. Then at the end of the marathon, my parents, my nephew Cameron, and my sister Stacey were cheering us on to the finish line while they held up posters with our names on them. It was what I hope heaven will be like. I imagine all of the saints and those who have gone before me in the faith cheering me into the presence of God. Each cheer, each word of encouragement helped me to keep moving forward just as in all of life.

What You Wear Can Make a Huge Difference - I heard on the new last night that a man tried to run in the marathon completely nude. The reporter said that he ran the first mile before he was arrested. Thankfully for everyone involved, I didn't try this. However, I did get some new walking clothes. I got a new shirt that wouldn't soak up the water and keep me cool. I also got a new part of athletic pants. They were were also helpful at keeping me dry. I even got a new pair of special underwear for athletes. I didn't know there was such a thing but they seemed to make a difference. Life can be like this as well. If I would have worn my usual cotton T-shirt and sweat pants they would have been soaked and heavy I would not have been comfortable. My new sports outfit helped me to finish the race and keep me as comfortable as possible.

It's Okay to Take a Break and Rest - I took a vacation day today from work just to rest. I relaxed and rested. I knew that I would need time to recover. I've got a ton of work to do but I knew that I needed time to rest. While I sometimes feel guilty about taking time for myself, it's really important to do. In fact, when I don't take time to rest and relax, I get really grouchy and can't really give my best to the other parts of my life. God rested on the seventh day and gave us the Sabbath to rest and renew. In our 24/7 world, this is hard to remember. However, rest allows us to have the energy to work and produce and make a difference in the world.

Well, I'm sure there are many other lessons I learned; however, I'm not long from bed. I am still tired and it's going to be a long week of work.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

I Feel Like Quitting

I feel like quitting. No, I'm not talking about quitting my job. I feel like resigning from normal, everyday life. For it is normal, everyday life that seems to sweep in and catch me off guard and really bring me down. I was telling my friend Karen that I have had the strength to stand at someone's bedside who is dying in the hospital and offer hope and comfort and feel a sense of peace.  I seem to have the faith to endure major crises and shepherd people through very dark times in their lives; however, I can hardly stand the small inconveniences of life.
When I took the chaplain's class in Knoxville, I worked in the trauma unit in which I saw all kinds of blood, broken bones, and injuries and I was somehow able to remain fairly calm and collected. However, whenever I got lost in the hospital (which was very often) I nearly had a melt down. When I served in the local church, I felt I did some of my best ministry when there was a death and I was called to offer comfort to the family. I always seemed to have the words to say and knew when to sit and be quiet with people in their grief. However, one time I forgot my Bible at home and didn't realize it until I arrived at the funeral home. The funeral director couldn't scrounge up a Bible and I nearly had a panic attack. I hopped in the car for a high speed trip back to the parsonage. Thankfully one of the funeral home employees drove me in one of the funeral home cars. I think he drove most of the way above 80 miles per hour which only added to my anxiety.
Today was no exception. I took my car in to have a latch mechanism replaced. The sensor on the hatch door of my car kept going off and it would set my alarm off. One night it went off at about 11:30 PM. I'm sure my neighbors all loved this. So, for the past few weeks, I haven't been locking my car. Anyway, I picked my car up today from the repair shop, drove back to the office and pressed the remote lock button and nothing happened. I went into a panic. I couldn't believe that it did not work. I didn't have the time to take my car back today. I called the repair shop and the guy told me he couldn't tell me what was wrong without looking at it. I couldn't believe that he couldn't just figure it out from my description which was "It's not working." Hmm. I felt like I paid a whole bunch of money for nothing because I still couldn't lock my car. It drove home my basic belief that cars are a necessary evil and money pits. If I could live without a car I would.
Later in the day, I had another dentist appointment. I had to have a filling redone. It took only a few minutes and involved no pain because I've had a root canal on that tooth. I was under the impression that this procedure would not cost me anything because it was covered under my dental insurance. However, when I went to the check out counter, they told me I owed them money. I said that I thought that it was all covered under my insurance. They basically said that this was not routine preventative treatment and I would have to pay them money today. Uggg! I was mad at the dentist for not telling me this before I had the procedure. I was mad at the insurance company for a policies that benefit insurance company share holders and executives. I was most of all mad at myself for not reading my insurance benefits policy more closely.
After paying a bunch of money to have my car fixed and more money to have my tooth fixed, I wanted to yell out to everyone in the dentist office waiting room "Would anyone else like any money from me today? Here, just take my debit card and drain my account! Why do I need any money anyway? Take it all!" Thankfully, I kept my wits and didn't do this but it sure would have felt good to vent a bit. So, I guess it's helping to vent all of this to you through this blog.
It's the normal stuff of life that puts me over the edge. I don't know why. It doesn't make sense. It's the way I'm wired. I hate this about myself. It exhausts me. I have made some slight changes and I feel like I'm not as bad as I once was but it feels like I haven't made much progress at all. I pray for God's help with this and I still live with anxiety about stupid stuff. I remember Jesus' words to consider the lilies of the field and the birds and trust in God in all things. However, most days I fail miserably at this. Today was no exception.
I'm tired from the day's events and I am not long from bed. I feel like quitting but I guess I'll rest tonight and give it another try tomorrow. The good news is that tomorrow is a new day and another chance to be faithful to the God Who loves me and sustains me and will never let me go.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Eleven Miles

My friend Karen and I walked eleven miles today. It was such a good feeling to accomplish this goal. We did pretty well on our pace. We were able to finish in a little over three hours. We were moving along at a pretty good pace. I continue to be amazed that I am actually doing this. This journey towards walking the half-marathon has been truly a miracle in my life. While I was really tired after today's walk, it was a good tired. It meant that I am on my way to completing the marathon.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

A Break in the Weather

I think that for only the second time since we have been training for walking the half-marathon, my friend Karen and I will be able to walk outside tomorrow morning. We are supposed to walk nine miles tomorrow. It seems like winter has lingered on here or when it's warmed up, it's been raining. So, we are hoping to get outside tomorrow morning and walk a different route. It will be a nice change of scenery from the mall we've been walking in the past three Saturdays.
I continue to experience more than just exercise as I walk. It's good for me to have a walking partner to hold me accountable. It is also been a very good discipline for me. I need to be more disciplined in my food intake. I have failed miserably in this area. I guess I need to work on one thing at a time.
Most of all, I do feel better. I seem to be sleeping better and have more energy. I know that I could drop some weight I would really feel better. I ask for your prayers for this. I don't seem to have the will power on my own. I definitely need to lean on God for this.
I hope you have a great weekend. Thanks for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!