News Blackout

Yesterday was another quiet day for me. It was probably too quiet. I ended up taking a long nap and then had trouble getting to sleep last night. I finally fell asleep around 1:30 AM. This was a huge problem for me when my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning so that I could meet my friend Karen to walk. I was a real zombie this morning.
I decided yesterday that I was not going to sit in front of the television yesterday watching all all of the ten year anniversary September 11 coverage. I watched little bit when I first got up in the morning and then listened to coverage on NPR on my drive to and from church. But besides that, I didn't watch much of it at all. I decided to put myself under a news blackout. It's not because I didn't think it was important to remember that horrible day in American history. It was more a way for me to say, as I did in my post yesterday, that life goes on.
I remember I was glued to the television back in 2001. I saw the image of the planes flying into the World Trade Center towers so many times, I felt numb. I heard all of the stories of survivors and all of the stories of family members of victims. I read everything I could in the news and online. Along with this, I was given the extra responsibility of trying to preach sermons in response to the terrorist attacks.
When I look back on those days and weeks following September 11, 2001, I realize that it was only by the grace of God that I was able to move through days. And this is also how I wanted to focus my heart on the tenth anniversary. I wanted to pause and give thanks for God's amazing grace in my life and along my journey since that time.
My pastor said it this way in his sermon on Sunday:

I like the way Julian of Norwich put it. Julian of Norwich lived in the fourteenth century during the Black Plague. Every day was 9/11 for her. But she had great hope that grew out of her faith as she faced the depths of the trials of her day. She wrote these lines: But all shall be well, And all shall be well, And all manner of things shall be well…He did not say, “You shall know no storms, no travails, no disease,” He said, “You shall not be overcome.”

Wow. What power. God did not say, “You shall have no storms.” God did not say, “You shall have no terrorists, you shall have no fires, you shall have no death.” God said, “You shall not be overcome.” All shall be well.
On this day, are the promises and protection of God enough for us? Are we able to say “All shall be well?” We may have to say it with a tear in our eyes. We may have to say it with a lump in our throats. We may have say to it with clenched fists. But in that whisper is eternity itself.
God’s faithful promises are our armor. Hope is in the enduring memory of God’s protection.
When the final 9/11 television special signs off for the evening, the last analysis has been offered, the last commentary spoken, and the last editorial written, I can think of no more beautiful eulogy than to say: But all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well…He did not say, “You shall know no storms, no travails, no disease,” He said, “You shall not be overcome.”

So, yesterday I napped and rested trusting that all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

A Tree Planted by the Water

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I saw this video as I was surfing the web today thinking about what I wanted to blog about on the tenth anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks. The video struck a powerful chord with me. Even in the midst of the horror that scarred our nation on that day ten years ago, life goes on. Though we felt mangled and helpless and vulnerable, God gave us the grace to experience the only thing that really matters - God's love. God was and is with us calling us to new life, forgiveness, and healing so that we might be like trees that never fail to bear fruit.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
- Jeremiah 17:7-8, NIV
 
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Matt

I received word today that a man who was a part of the last congregation that I pastored in Indiana had passed away today. When I received the news, I started to cry. I received the news at the end of a particularly hard day and so I think the tears flowed more freely than they might have on another. Yet, even as I cried, I also felt a kind of deep assurance that even though this was the end of Matt's life in this life, it was not the end of Matt's eternal life.
When I first met Matt, I'm not sure he wanted much to do with me. At least that's how it seemed to me as a pastor who visited his hospital room. I was asked by a friend of Matt's wife to visit Matt in the hospital. I was always a bit uncomfortable doing this. Being the introvert that I am, I always felt weird barging into a stranger's hospital room. I was never sure if I would be welcomed or not. Some people would enjoy having me visit. Some people didn't want to have me anywhere near them. Some people would politely tolerate me. Still others would get very agitated or upset when they saw me. I guess they thought that if the pastor was coming, they were going to get bad news about their medical condition.
Matt suffered from diabetes. It was the kind of diabetes that caused Matt to eventually lose both of his legs. At the time that I first visited him, I think he had just had a surgery and was recovering in the hospital from that. Our conversation was brief and consisted of only few words.
I don't remember if I prayed with Matt at that time. This was often a confusing thing for some people to know how to respond when I asked if I could pray with them. Matt was not really a church person, so I'm certain if he did invite me to pray with him, it was not the most natural thing for him to experience. I remember thinking that if I was in Matt's position of having my body parts amputated that I'm not sure I would want to talk to God. In fact, my guess is that Matt was pretty mad at God at that time. At least that was my perception.
I remember that I visited Matt again several months later when he was in the hospital for another surgery or procedure. While he was still kind of gruff around the edges, he seemed to tolerate my visit better than the first time. I remember that our conversation was a bit longer and he seemed more cordial. I was also probably more at ease because I had met him before.
While I believe that God was at work in Matt's heart and life through all of his health problems, I'm not sure that Matt realized this and I'm not sure I really could see it happening. I think I was going to visit Matt out of a sense of obligation to Matt's wife's friend who was one of my congregation members. I still felt uncomfortable doing it and I think Matt was uncomfortable having me visit.
Several more months later, I visited Matt again in the hospital. He had fallen and broken a bone in his leg. This was not good. I think the doctors were trying to figure out a way to save his leg. During this visit Matt seemed both discouraged and more open to my visit. We talked more and I remember praying with him and he seemed to really appreciate it.
After this, Matt went to stay in a rehab facility for an extended period. They tried to build up his strength and help him to keep his leg. One day during this period, I had a craving for Chinese food. One of my favorite Chinese buffets was over near the rehab center where Matt was staying. After eating some wonderful Chinese food, I felt like God was nudging me to stop in and see Matt.
On this day Matt seemed really glad to see me. He smiled as we talked. His spirit seemed really light. He had a real look of peace about him. He shared that he had been attending a Bible study at the rehab center and that he was learning a lot. He had a lot of questions about the Bible and wanted to learn more. He then shared with me that he felt he was ready to accept Jesus into his heart. He asked if I would pray with him as he did that.
I was both humbled and filled with joy as I joined him in this most holy of moments in his life. When we were done praying, he said he felt a peace like he had never felt before in his life. He looked as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Whatever was happening with his physical body didn't seem to matter as much any more. He was truly a new creation in Christ.
After that, I got some men from the church to go with me and we would hold Bible studies in Matt's room at the rehab center. We would talk and discuss life and the Scriptures and I learned and grew as did the others who joined us. Matt always seemed eager to learn and grow in his new found faith in Christ.
When Matt got to finally go home, we moved the Bible study to his house. I remember that he lived on the other side of county from where I lived and it was quite a trek to get to his house. I would sometimes grumble about the time and energy it took to do this Bible study. However, I always felt renewed after I attended these Bible studies. Matt's willingness to learn and grow always reminded me of why we were doing what we were doing.
I realize now that those were times when I really felt like the church was at its best. We were being the church to Matt but he was also a vital part of the Body of Christ as we talked and joked and studied together. He was in ministry to and with us. This was exactly the way the church began. Those first Christians met in people's homes for study, worship, support, and fellowship. In fact, I often got more out of these home Bible studies at Matt's house than I did leading Sunday morning worship for a congregation made up of many people who were more focused on preserving irrelevant traditions than truly living as disciples of Jesus Christ. Matt was definitely Jesus to me in some deep and abiding ways that I don't think I will fully understand until I see him in heaven.
When I received the email telling me about Matt's death from my friend Mari, she quoted our friend Kathy who said about Matt's passing, “We all know where Matt is now because Kevin led him to Lord.” When I read those words, I used about three tissues as I broke down and cried some more.
I don't know how much leading I really did, but I do feel that God allowed me to get a craving for Chinese food and then led me to stop in on that most important of days in Matt's journey in this world. I do feel God was able to use me in some way to reach out to Matt and offer him the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. It was a day that forever changed Matt's heart and life. It was a day on which all the company of heaven was cheering him on and celebrating his new faith in Jesus.
As I write this blog entry, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for Matt and his life that helped to change my heart and life. It was truly an honor to journey with him for the short time that I did. I know there is a big celebration going on in heaven today as Matt is welcomed into the presence of God. I can just see him running on new legs into the loving arms of Jesus as he hears the words "Well done, Matt! My good and faithful servant!"
Thank you Matt for showing me the power of God's life-changing grace! I look forward to the day when we meet again at the feet of Jesus.
I invite you to join me in praying for Matt's family as they journey through this time of grief.
Thank you for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!

Missing Advent

This season of Advent has been a strange one for me. There has not been much of a rhythm to the season for me this year. In many ways, I felt like I missed the season entirely.
I started out on the first Sunday in Advent in St. Louis. I was on vacation and staying with my friends' Sheri and Ian. I am always grateful for Ian and Sheri's hospitality when I visit and I always enjoy attending worship with them. While they did light the first Advent candle during the service at Sheri and Ian's church, we didn't sing any Advent hymns. It happened to be the last Sunday for their church's Director of Christian Education. The sermon and service was good but the focus really wasn't Advent it was more on giving the DCE a chance to say "goodbye". I could tell that there was a real sense of grief in the air as the congregation said "farewell" to a beloved staff member who had a wonderful ministry at this church.
On the second Sunday of Advent, I had planned to go to my church and get into the spirit of the season a bit more. I knew they would be celebrating Advent in a big way with special music and a sermon about waiting and preparing. However, I ended up going to church with my friend Karen at her church. Again, the service and music were wonderful but this church really doesn't do Advent at all. It's a church that really tries hard to reach out to the unchurched and I guess Advent is not cool with the unchurched. I never really quite got that in all of the church growth books I read but I guess this is what reaches people. How can you argue with a church with five services filled to capacity attracting thousands of people each week?
On the third Sunday of Advent, I was in South Bend for my friend Ian's dad's funeral. It was good to be back in my home town of Mishawaka and I even got to make a visit to my home church for the funeral dinner. On this weekend, I attended church with my friend Mari at her church. I have been to this church many times and I really like it. You can always hear great preaching and good music. This particular Sunday was no different. It was all great. We even got to hear a drum solo accompanying the Hallelujah Chorus. There was also a jazz singer who did some wonderful renditions of Christmas carols. However, this church does not really do Advent either. Again, it's hard to argue with multiple services that attract thousands of people. I really enjoyed it but there was nothing to really mark the season of waiting and expectation that I have come to know and love.
On the fourth Sunday of Advent, I was finally able to attend my church in Cincinnati. It was a wonderful service. The choir sang some amazing pieces. The hand bells played. The congregational singing was great and we got to sing some wonderful Christmas carols from the hymnal. However, there were no Advent hymns sung during the service. No Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus (my favorite Advent hymn) no O Come, O Come Emmanuel no People Look East Like most churches that do celebrate Advent, by the fourth Sunday of Advent my church was in full Christmas mode. While they did take the time to light the Advent Candles, we sang Joy to the World and O Come All Ye Faithful as congregational hymns. It was a wonderful service. I was grateful that the pastor did focus on the theme of waiting during Advent in his sermon. However, I also found myself feeling just slightly disappointed because I felt rushed into celebrating Christmas when I was not ready for it.
However, it hit me today that in the midst of this wonderful season, I somehow missed it. I know it's not about lighting Advent candles. I know it's not about my traditions. I know it's not about my agenda. I guess I missed it because I wasn't really paying attention to the signs all around me of God's presence and love. I did not feel a sense of hope and expectation because I chose not to embrace the hope and expectation of the season wherever I found myself.
On the first Sunday of Advent in St. Louis, I kept thinking that it was poor timing for this to be the farewell sermon and service for the Christian Education Director at Sheri and Ian's church. I thought Advent should start off on a high note that is full of expectation. However, what I failed to remember is that Jesus came into the world in God's perfect timing and that had little to do with the world's timing or plans. Jesus was born to a poor couple who couldn't even get a decent room at an inn. He came at a very inconvenient time and while some, like the shepherds rejoiced, others like King Herod were threatened by Jesus because he challenged the status quo and power structure of his day. There was even a foreshadowing of grief at his miraculous birth as the Magi brought spices used to prepare bodies for burial. Even then, his death and sacrifice seemed to be looming ahead of him.
On the second Sunday of Advent, I should have been more grateful for being able to worship with my friend Karen rather than worried about seeing people light Advent candles. Reconnecting with Karen has been a huge blessing in my life this year. It is by God's grace that our paths have been allowed to cross again. To worship with my sister in Christ was a joy and I should have really let God know that in my praise that morning. Instead, I kept hoping we would at least sing a Christmas carol.
On the third Sunday of Advent, I should have been more grateful just to worship God with my friend Mari. She is a wonderful blessing in my life and did not hesitate when I asked her at the last minute if I could stay with her in order to attend Ian's dad's funeral. While Mary and Joseph couldn't get a room, I have a friend who always has a room ready for me. I have a friend who allows me to invade her home and who offers me gracious hospitality and who loves me in spite of my weirdness. During a very busy season, Mari made time for me. It reminds me of how much I need to make time for Jesus in my life and journey. I get busy doing and I don't take the time simply to be in God's presence.
On the fourth Sunday of Advent, I felt like even the church was rushing me along to the manger. I was dragging my heals and trying to make up for what I saw as three lost weeks of Advent. However, what I also need to remember is that Christ comes into the world whether I am ready for Him or not. Jesus came, is coming, and will come into the world and my job is simply to prepare my heart as best I can. I do not know the time or the place. I am commanded to be ready at all times, in all circumstances.
So, as I reflect upon this Advent season, I am really glad it unfolded as it did. I have learned some things about myself and about my expectations of church, of worship, and of God. As much as I would like to think it's all about me, I know that it is not. I just forget that most days. I have also been reminded through this season of waiting and hope that God has surrounded me with good friends in my life who make this journey grace-filled for me. They love me and put up with me and they sometimes even put me up. They listen to me whine and help me to laugh. They feed me and play games with me and watch movies with me. They are signs of God's loving presence in my life. I don't deserve it, but in their friendship and support, I continue to experience the love and grace of Jesus. They remind me that God is real and present with me along my journey. And in the end, that's what Advent is really all about. Whether it's in a worship service, in singing a Christmas carol, or talking over a good meal with friends, Advent is a season to once again be reminded that Jesus is Emmanuel - God with us.
Thank you for being a part of my journey!

Whirlwind Weekend

It's been quite a weekend for me that is just ending this Monday night. I traveled on Saturday morning to Mishawaka, Indiana (my home town) for the visitation and funeral of my friend Ian's dad. Thanks to my friend Mari who let me stay at her home and fed me and watched movies with me.
Ian, his wife Sheri, and I all grew up on the same block in Mishawaka. My family moved to Mishawaka when I was about 4 years old and I guess I've known Ian since then. Sheri's family moved into the neighborhood when I was around twelve years old. They built a house on the vacant lot on our block. (I'm still not over this but that is a story for another day.)
I used to occasionally be a sub on the paper route through our neighborhood and I have fond memories of doing the paper route with Ian. I will never forget the hot summer afternoons when we would take a break along the paper route and get a can of pop for 10 cents at the gas station that was at the corner of Lincoln Way and Delorenzi Avenue. Those were good times.
I did a lot of thinking on the drive home today about growing up in my neighborhood. I don't know if there are neighborhoods like that any more. Times are certainly different people don't seem to know their neighbors any more. I know this is true for me. I'm not even sure if I would recognize all of the people who live in my apartment building.
I invite you to join me in praying for Ian and Sheri and their family. I know the coming days and weeks will be hard especially during this holiday season.
I also finished up my writing class tonight. There's more to share about that but I'm tired and ready for bed.
Thank you for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!