A New Home

I was really tired last night and could hardly keep my eyes open when I wrote my brief blog post. It was a long day at the end of a long week. This has been an amazingly busy time for me in my work with Habitat. We have been preparing for three closings. Yesterday was the first of the three. These are always cause for much celebration but also there is a lot of last minute stuff to do and this can be a real source of stress.
Right before I fell asleep last night, I thought about the couple that just closed on their house yesterday. They have six boys and they have been living in a two bedroom home with one bathroom. I cannot begin to imagine what that has been like for them. I tried to imagine what last night in their new home must have been like for this family. I'm sure there they were tired from moving all of their stuff. I'm sure the boys had a hard time settling down for the night as they adjusted to their new bedrooms. I'm sure there was laughter and excitment. However, I'm guessing that there was also a huge sense of peace that settled over this family as they slept in their new safe, decent, affordable home built with love.
Just before I lost consciousness for the night, I said a prayer of thanksgiving for this work to which God has called me. I can't begin to tell you how much it feeds my soul and helps give purpose and meaning to my life. It is really not a job. It is ministry in the best sense of the word. This doesn't mean that there are not difficult days. This does not mean that I don't struggle and feel stressed. However, what I do know with every fiber of my being is that this is where I am supposed to be at this point in my journey.
I don't know what God has in store for me in the future. I'm doing my best to live in this moment as I take big gulps of the grace that God provides for me every day. I feel joy like never before. I feel contentment and peace. I feel grateful for the honor of being able to serve the poor through the mission and ministry of Habitat for Humanity.
With this latest home now completed, I can't wait to move forward with the next application, the next construction project, and the next closing. The process begins again and again as new families seek to live out their dream and move from substandard housing and become home owners.
I hope you are having a great weekend. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

News Blackout

Yesterday was another quiet day for me. It was probably too quiet. I ended up taking a long nap and then had trouble getting to sleep last night. I finally fell asleep around 1:30 AM. This was a huge problem for me when my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning so that I could meet my friend Karen to walk. I was a real zombie this morning.
I decided yesterday that I was not going to sit in front of the television yesterday watching all all of the ten year anniversary September 11 coverage. I watched little bit when I first got up in the morning and then listened to coverage on NPR on my drive to and from church. But besides that, I didn't watch much of it at all. I decided to put myself under a news blackout. It's not because I didn't think it was important to remember that horrible day in American history. It was more a way for me to say, as I did in my post yesterday, that life goes on.
I remember I was glued to the television back in 2001. I saw the image of the planes flying into the World Trade Center towers so many times, I felt numb. I heard all of the stories of survivors and all of the stories of family members of victims. I read everything I could in the news and online. Along with this, I was given the extra responsibility of trying to preach sermons in response to the terrorist attacks.
When I look back on those days and weeks following September 11, 2001, I realize that it was only by the grace of God that I was able to move through days. And this is also how I wanted to focus my heart on the tenth anniversary. I wanted to pause and give thanks for God's amazing grace in my life and along my journey since that time.
My pastor said it this way in his sermon on Sunday:

I like the way Julian of Norwich put it. Julian of Norwich lived in the fourteenth century during the Black Plague. Every day was 9/11 for her. But she had great hope that grew out of her faith as she faced the depths of the trials of her day. She wrote these lines: But all shall be well, And all shall be well, And all manner of things shall be well…He did not say, “You shall know no storms, no travails, no disease,” He said, “You shall not be overcome.”

Wow. What power. God did not say, “You shall have no storms.” God did not say, “You shall have no terrorists, you shall have no fires, you shall have no death.” God said, “You shall not be overcome.” All shall be well.
On this day, are the promises and protection of God enough for us? Are we able to say “All shall be well?” We may have to say it with a tear in our eyes. We may have to say it with a lump in our throats. We may have say to it with clenched fists. But in that whisper is eternity itself.
God’s faithful promises are our armor. Hope is in the enduring memory of God’s protection.
When the final 9/11 television special signs off for the evening, the last analysis has been offered, the last commentary spoken, and the last editorial written, I can think of no more beautiful eulogy than to say: But all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well…He did not say, “You shall know no storms, no travails, no disease,” He said, “You shall not be overcome.”

So, yesterday I napped and rested trusting that all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

A Tree Planted by the Water

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I saw this video as I was surfing the web today thinking about what I wanted to blog about on the tenth anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks. The video struck a powerful chord with me. Even in the midst of the horror that scarred our nation on that day ten years ago, life goes on. Though we felt mangled and helpless and vulnerable, God gave us the grace to experience the only thing that really matters - God's love. God was and is with us calling us to new life, forgiveness, and healing so that we might be like trees that never fail to bear fruit.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
- Jeremiah 17:7-8, NIV
 
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

A Walking Advertisement

I stopped a local restaurant this evening on my way home from work to get some dinner. As I sat down at my table, a woman sitting at a table nearby said, "There's someone from Habitat." I wondered how she knew I was with Habitat for Humanity and then I realized I was wearing a shirt with the TriState Habitat for Humanity logo on it. Duh!
Anyway, I went over to the table and the woman introduced herself and her husband who was sitting with her to me. I introduced myself. We then talked for several minutes and I discovered that this couple volunteers with the Cincinnati Habitat for Humanity affiliate. They are very active construction volunteers and have been volunteering with Habitat for a number of years. In fact, they met for the first time as a single people on a Habitat job site and are now married.
After our conversation, I went back to my table and said a prayer of thanksgiving for running into these two dedicated Habitat volunteers. I was so glad that I was wearing my shirt. I am proud to be a walking advertisement for Habitat. I am passionate about our mission and the work that we do. I want the world to know the difference that Habitat is making in the TriState region, the United States, and around the world. I am so proud to be able to represent Habitat and to be able to connect with others who share my passion for bringing an end to poverty housing in the world.
I also got to thinking about how I am not always the best walking advertisement for my faith. I don't always represent Christ to the world in the most positive manner. I only need to look to my morning commute to recognize this. I am too often filled with road rage and certainly don't offer much grace to the drivers around me who I am convinced are all on the road driving stupidly just to make me mad.
I also am not the best ambassador for Christ when I remain silent in the face of the injustice I see in life. I often times would rather just not make any waves rather than stand up for what I know to be right in God's eyes. I take the easy way out by often people are led to believe that I accept the injustice that is taking place because I am silent.
So, tonight I'm giving God thanks for the opportunity I had to be a witness for the mission of Habitat. I am also praying that God will give me the courage and peace to be a more faithful witness for Jesus in the world.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Discipline

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

- 2 Timothy 1:7, NIV

Discipline. This is one of the things that often seems to be lacking in my life. I have times when I get really focused and can be disciplined on a specific thing, but sooner or later, I seem to slip back into old patterns that are undisciplined and even harmful to me.
This is certainly true when it comes to my physical health. I have so many times started diets and not stayed with them. I have started exercise programs and have not stayed with them. I have tried to watch my eating and tried to live a more healthy lifestyle and in the end I fail miserably at this.
I also feel that I lack discpline in my work life. I try to be more organized and plan ahead better. What usually ends up happening is that I procrastinate and run around feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I have attended workshops to help me deal with clutter on my desk and how to use my time better. I do well for a while and then it gets out of control. Right now, I have the beginnings of an unruly nest of papers that need to be filed. I fear that it soon will become a tall stack of stuff that will fill my desk.
I also feel like I lack much discipline in my spiritual life. I try to grow in my prayer life and add new ways of experiencing God. I may stick with them for a while and then I either lose interest or the will to stick with them. I seem to lack a kind of inner discipline even when it comes to the most importation relationship in my life.
The good news is that God is a God of grace and new beginnings. Every time I fall off the diet wagon, stack papers up to the ceiling on my desk, or don't take the time to nurture my relationship with God, God is still there to love me. God helps me start again. God renews my strength and reminds me that all things are possible through Christ Who strengthens me. God loves me where I am empowers me to grow in love and discipline in life and faith. Thanks be to God!

Thanks for being a part of my journey!

More Like You

More like you, Jesus, more like you
Fill my heart with your desire
to make me more like you.

- More Like You, Scott Wesley Brown

We sang this song today in worship. We have sung it before. It's just a simple praise chorus but for some reason it really hit my heart today. I felt as if God was trying to speak to me on a deeper level through this song. As I sang the words, I found myself in a very focused prayerful state of being. I almost didn't want it to end because I felt like I was connecting with God in a very intimate way as I sang my praise to my Creator.
Now that I think about it, this is really a scary prayer to pray. Because if I'm really serious about becoming more like Jesus then I've got to really get rid of a bunch of baggage. I need to be able to love more deeply and forgive more readily. I need to be willing to do what God wants in my life and not what I want. I need to be willing to walk difficult paths and trust in God to guide me.
I'm definitely not there yet. I've made some progress but for every step forward it seems that I take about three steps backward. I ask God to make me more loving and then God always seems to put people in my path who I find it difficult to love. I ask God to give me more peace and then God seems to allow the storms of my life to flare up and I become consumed by stress and worry. I desire to be more holy so that others may look upon my life as an example and then I say or do something that is far from holy. The truth is, I mess up because I am messed up by the human condition of sin.
While it would be tempting to just throw up my hands and forget it all and wallow in my sin. I know that is not the life God wants for me. So, I boldly and humbling continue to pray "More like you, Jesus, more like you." And each time I pray this prayer, God works in some new way in my heart. God moves me to do something I wouldn't normally do. God reveals to me something that I had not seen before. God shows me again the path of holy living and promises to walk with me.
So, tonight I'm giving God thanks for this moment of prayer, song, and praise to the One Who calls me by name. I'm giving thanks to Jesus who leads me and sometimes carries me when I don't have the strength to make the journey on my own. I'm filled with gratitude for my loving God Who molds me and shapes me into a new creation. I'm blessed by a Savior who calls me to follow him and be more like him every day.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Matt

I received word today that a man who was a part of the last congregation that I pastored in Indiana had passed away today. When I received the news, I started to cry. I received the news at the end of a particularly hard day and so I think the tears flowed more freely than they might have on another. Yet, even as I cried, I also felt a kind of deep assurance that even though this was the end of Matt's life in this life, it was not the end of Matt's eternal life.
When I first met Matt, I'm not sure he wanted much to do with me. At least that's how it seemed to me as a pastor who visited his hospital room. I was asked by a friend of Matt's wife to visit Matt in the hospital. I was always a bit uncomfortable doing this. Being the introvert that I am, I always felt weird barging into a stranger's hospital room. I was never sure if I would be welcomed or not. Some people would enjoy having me visit. Some people didn't want to have me anywhere near them. Some people would politely tolerate me. Still others would get very agitated or upset when they saw me. I guess they thought that if the pastor was coming, they were going to get bad news about their medical condition.
Matt suffered from diabetes. It was the kind of diabetes that caused Matt to eventually lose both of his legs. At the time that I first visited him, I think he had just had a surgery and was recovering in the hospital from that. Our conversation was brief and consisted of only few words.
I don't remember if I prayed with Matt at that time. This was often a confusing thing for some people to know how to respond when I asked if I could pray with them. Matt was not really a church person, so I'm certain if he did invite me to pray with him, it was not the most natural thing for him to experience. I remember thinking that if I was in Matt's position of having my body parts amputated that I'm not sure I would want to talk to God. In fact, my guess is that Matt was pretty mad at God at that time. At least that was my perception.
I remember that I visited Matt again several months later when he was in the hospital for another surgery or procedure. While he was still kind of gruff around the edges, he seemed to tolerate my visit better than the first time. I remember that our conversation was a bit longer and he seemed more cordial. I was also probably more at ease because I had met him before.
While I believe that God was at work in Matt's heart and life through all of his health problems, I'm not sure that Matt realized this and I'm not sure I really could see it happening. I think I was going to visit Matt out of a sense of obligation to Matt's wife's friend who was one of my congregation members. I still felt uncomfortable doing it and I think Matt was uncomfortable having me visit.
Several more months later, I visited Matt again in the hospital. He had fallen and broken a bone in his leg. This was not good. I think the doctors were trying to figure out a way to save his leg. During this visit Matt seemed both discouraged and more open to my visit. We talked more and I remember praying with him and he seemed to really appreciate it.
After this, Matt went to stay in a rehab facility for an extended period. They tried to build up his strength and help him to keep his leg. One day during this period, I had a craving for Chinese food. One of my favorite Chinese buffets was over near the rehab center where Matt was staying. After eating some wonderful Chinese food, I felt like God was nudging me to stop in and see Matt.
On this day Matt seemed really glad to see me. He smiled as we talked. His spirit seemed really light. He had a real look of peace about him. He shared that he had been attending a Bible study at the rehab center and that he was learning a lot. He had a lot of questions about the Bible and wanted to learn more. He then shared with me that he felt he was ready to accept Jesus into his heart. He asked if I would pray with him as he did that.
I was both humbled and filled with joy as I joined him in this most holy of moments in his life. When we were done praying, he said he felt a peace like he had never felt before in his life. He looked as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Whatever was happening with his physical body didn't seem to matter as much any more. He was truly a new creation in Christ.
After that, I got some men from the church to go with me and we would hold Bible studies in Matt's room at the rehab center. We would talk and discuss life and the Scriptures and I learned and grew as did the others who joined us. Matt always seemed eager to learn and grow in his new found faith in Christ.
When Matt got to finally go home, we moved the Bible study to his house. I remember that he lived on the other side of county from where I lived and it was quite a trek to get to his house. I would sometimes grumble about the time and energy it took to do this Bible study. However, I always felt renewed after I attended these Bible studies. Matt's willingness to learn and grow always reminded me of why we were doing what we were doing.
I realize now that those were times when I really felt like the church was at its best. We were being the church to Matt but he was also a vital part of the Body of Christ as we talked and joked and studied together. He was in ministry to and with us. This was exactly the way the church began. Those first Christians met in people's homes for study, worship, support, and fellowship. In fact, I often got more out of these home Bible studies at Matt's house than I did leading Sunday morning worship for a congregation made up of many people who were more focused on preserving irrelevant traditions than truly living as disciples of Jesus Christ. Matt was definitely Jesus to me in some deep and abiding ways that I don't think I will fully understand until I see him in heaven.
When I received the email telling me about Matt's death from my friend Mari, she quoted our friend Kathy who said about Matt's passing, “We all know where Matt is now because Kevin led him to Lord.” When I read those words, I used about three tissues as I broke down and cried some more.
I don't know how much leading I really did, but I do feel that God allowed me to get a craving for Chinese food and then led me to stop in on that most important of days in Matt's journey in this world. I do feel God was able to use me in some way to reach out to Matt and offer him the unconditional love of Jesus Christ. It was a day that forever changed Matt's heart and life. It was a day on which all the company of heaven was cheering him on and celebrating his new faith in Jesus.
As I write this blog entry, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for Matt and his life that helped to change my heart and life. It was truly an honor to journey with him for the short time that I did. I know there is a big celebration going on in heaven today as Matt is welcomed into the presence of God. I can just see him running on new legs into the loving arms of Jesus as he hears the words "Well done, Matt! My good and faithful servant!"
Thank you Matt for showing me the power of God's life-changing grace! I look forward to the day when we meet again at the feet of Jesus.
I invite you to join me in praying for Matt's family as they journey through this time of grief.
Thank you for your prayers and for being a part of my journey!

A Wild and Busy Day

Today was my first day back at work after being off for an extended weekend. The best thing I can say about my day is that I am glad it's over. I guess that's not really true. There were some really cool moments. One really great thing happened this morning. I traveled to Oxford, Ohio to orient a new Family Advocate. Advocates journey with our Partner Families from the time they are accepted as Partner Families until a year after they close on their homes. It's one of the most rewarding and can be one of most challenging volunteer positions within our Habitat affiliate. I really enjoyed spending time with this new Advocate this morning. I am always filled with gratitude when new people step forward to serve in this way.
The hard work started when I got back to the office. My desk was piled with a stack of papers. My inbox was filled to the brim. My voicemail box had several messages to which I needed to respond. As I sat down at my desk, I began to feel overwhelmed by it all. We have two wall raisings and a house dedication coming up this month and I am wondering how I'm going to get everything done. I felt like should stay until midnight to try to get caught up. However, I only stayed until about six because my brain was fried.
The good thing is that tomorrow is a new day. I know there are at least two new applications waiting for me to process. These always hold great hope for me when I get to read over them and come alongside families who dream of owning a safe, decent, affordable home.
I also realize that I don't have to do all of my work alone. I am a part of a wonderful team of staff members who support me and help me to deal with the challenges that I face. I also know that there are volunteers like the Family Advocate I met with today who are dedicated and who want to see families succeed as home owners. I also realize that I believe in a God Who goes before me and loves me and lifts me up when it feels like I can't go on.
When I think about all of these signs of grace in my life, that stack of papers on my desk doesn't seem so high or scary.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

A Moment of Grace

I watched the results show of So You Think You Can Dance tonight. It was awesome as usual. I do sometimes which there would be less recapping and more explanation of why the judges choose to send home the people they send home. I loved Kristin Chenoweth as a judge. She was entertaining and had a lot of what I would call color commentary about the dancers and dances.
One of my favorite parts of each results show is the opening dance number. It's always amazing to me to see what the group of dancers is going to do. The choreographers always seem to push the dancers in new ways.
Tonight's results show was a special treat for me. Dancers from the AXIS Dance Company performed. AXIS' mission is:

• to create and perform contemporary dance that is developed through the collaboration of dancers with and without disabilities
• to teach dance and educate about collaboration and disability through community education and outreach programs
• to promote and support physically integrated dance locally, nationally and internationally

I have never seen anything like this before. It was absolutely beautiful. I could not believe that the dancer in the wheelchair was doing what he was doing with such grace and strength. It stretched my understanding of dance and broadened my understanding of dance.
For me, this was a moment of grace. God both allowed me to see this beautiful dance and celebrate it as art. God also pushed me outside my pre-conceived notions of who can and cannot dance. I've always loved the way Glee has integrated the character of Artie, who is in a wheelchair, on the show in their dance numbers. However, watching the AXIS dancers moved my heart and spoke to my soul in deep and abiding ways. I am grateful that the producers of So You Think You Can Dance allowed these dancers to share their performance with the world.
To learn more about AXIS, check out their website at: http://www.axisdance.org/index.php
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Late for Church

This morning was weird. I overslept and didn't have enough time to attend the 9:30 AM worship service at my church that I normally attend. "No problem," I thought. "I'll just attend the 11:00 AM service." What I didn't plan on was being held up by a major accident on the Interstate that I take to church. Two of the three lanes were blocked as the police, ambulances, and tow trucks did their work. Traffic was backed up for a couple of miles. By the time I got to my exit, it was time for the service to start and I was still about fifteen minutes away from the church.
I almost thought about turning around and going home. I hate to be late to anything. I always used to wonder when I was a pastor why some of my congregation members were chronically late for worship. It just seemed like it wasn't really important to them or that they were poor planners. While that may be the case for some, I realize that sometimes being late just can't be helped. Sometimes there are barriers in our way and we are doing the best we can to get where we need to go on this journey of life.
As I was stopped on the Interstate, one thing I did manage to do was to take time to pray. At first I prayed for myself that I would not be so frustrated about being late to church. Then I prayed for whoever was in the accident. I prayed for their safety and for their healing if they were hurt. I also prayed for the rescue workers and police as they went about their jobs. I also prayed for the doctors, nurses, and other hospital workers as they prepared to receive patients.
On my drive home, I found myself wondering if maybe God didn't allow me to be late so that I could learn something. It's the lesson that I never seem to really learn: It's not all about me. So, while I felt embarrassed when I wandered into the sanctuary as the service had already begun, I once again was reminded that that the world does not revolve around me. I think that in many ways this was the sermon that I needed to hear.
The good news is that God continues to pour out grace upon me even when I'm so clueless and self-centered.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

One of Those Days

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

-John 13:34-35, NRSV

Today was one of those days. I kind of wish I would have stayed in bed. I think I would have done less damage to the world.
It started off when I got several phone calls at the office and they were all challenging in their own way. With each phone call, I found myself becoming more and more agitated. I felt myself becoming defensive and had a hard time holding my tongue. At one point, I let my sarcastic nature get the best of me and I said things I should not have said.
After one particularly difficult phone call, I began venting to my co-workers about the bad morning I was having and how much some of the people on the other end of the phone were irritating me. Then one of my co-workers reminded me that we are called to love all people including our enemies and those who frustrate us. Then another one of my co-workers said that her observation of me is that I love people whom I feel are being oppressed but not I have little use for those who are the oppressors. While I had to to agree with this statement, I really didn't want to hear this.
However, if I am really honest with myself, I simply stink at truly loving people - especially those whom I find challenging or difficult. I find it very easy to agree with the bumper sticker that I've seen several times: "Mean people suck." I don't have much use for mean people and my experience has been that most mean people don't even know that they are mean. If they do know, they don't really care.
I know that hurt people hurt people and that many of the people with whom I work make it difficult for anyone to love them. Yet, I am called to do just that. I don't want to do it but I am commanded to do it. Today I had several opportunities to show love and I failed miserably. I hate to admit this, but it's true.
Of course, the good news is that God is a God of unlimited mercy and grace. God forgives me and allows me to move forward in life in faith and hope. In many ways, I was a mean person today and failed to even try to love my enemies yet God loves me anyway.
It's this Good News that will sustain me as I put my head down on the pillow tonight. I will rest in the arms of love and forgiveness. And, if God sees fit to allow me to do so, I will awaken in the morning and begin a new day with the opportunity to love both the people I like and the people I don't like. Hopefully, I will not repeat the same mistakes tomorrow.
I hope you have a good night. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Looks Like a Wonderful Summer of Dance

Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp!

- Psalm 149:3, KJV

Wow! I just finished watching the performance show of So You Think You Can Dance. It was wonderful! This group of contestants are really strong. It seems like the entire show has stepped up a notch. The dancers are extremely talented as are the choreographers.
Tonight was pure entertainment. I was seriously thinking about voting since you can vote online now. However, I'm not sure for whom I would vote. Each couple was really strong and it was truly amazing to see them dance tonight. I love it that some of the folks drew their personal style. That allowed some of the strongest dancing I've seen this early in the season since I've been watching the show.
Some of my favorite dances tonight were the "statues" contemporary dance, the quick step, and the Broadway routine. However, each dance was wonderful in its own unique way.
I only wish that I could be half as graceful as this year's So You Think You Can Dance contestants. If you like dance, I hope you get a chance to watch this wonderful show this summer.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

My Life Feels So Disorganized

My life feels so disorganized, Holy Spirit. It seems as if everything around me is piling up. It’s not just the drawers that need reorganizing, the kitchen that needs cleaning, or the heap of stuff in the garage that needs sorting—it’s everything:



my daily schedule crammed full of tasks,


my house crying out for a major cleaning


my office with the overflowing in box and stacks of junk—


even my relationships are disorganized.


I feel disjointed, out of control, out of touch.


Bring order into my life. Help me sort through all the things around me.


Help me see what needs to be kept,


what needs to be thrown away,


and what needs to be changed. . . .


O Holy Spirit, even as I say this, I feel fear. I know that things need to change. I know, deep in my heart, that my life’s disorganization is symptomatic of a deeper disorganization.
I need your gentle breeze to blow through my spiritual life. I need your strong wind to sort through the stacks of issues I don’t want to face. I need your quiet presence as I deal with the unspoken prayers, the unfulfilled desires, the unrecognized emotions I have hidden away.
Holy Spirit, come now, in this moment, and in the recesses of my heart, begin the process of organization. Begin to sweep out the dark corners, sift through the crammed closets, and blow through all my dark places. May you blow through my life every day. Through your power, bring order into all the chaos around me. Amen.

- Patricia Wilson, Quiet Spaces

The prayer above was a part of my e-devotional this morning. It was the perfect prayer for me to pray at the start of my day. While I don't have a garage that is full of stuff, everything else pretty much hits the mark. While I have learned some tips along the way to help myself make better use of my time, I still am not an organized person in so many ways.
This disorganization carries over into my relationships. Too often I feel like I am not a very faithful friend, son, brother, uncle, co-worker, or church member. I coast a lot and allow others to carry my relationships too much. I tell myself I don't have the time or resources or some other lame excuse. The truth is, I get lazy and I don't want to make the kinds of accommodations that being in relationship means for me.
There is no relationship that this is more true than in my relationship with God. I am pretty much a weasel when it comes to my relationship with God. I don't want to be inconvenienced or have to go out of my way to live out my faith. I want to always take the easy path. Heaven forbid that I should really take up my cross and follow Jesus. That certainly wouldn't work into my schedule.
The good news in all of this is that God is a God of unending patience and grace. God is always a faithful Father and Friend. God is always ready to listen. God is always calling my name. God continues to call me to a kind of perfect order in my life that is centered around Jesus. In spite of my disorganization and selfish behavior and foolishness, God still loves me with a love that will never let me go. Into my chaos, God blows fresh winds of forgiveness and mercy.
Thanks be to God!
Thank you for being a part of my journey!

Busy

We are busy, each of us, and together we all of us are doing various things in our various congregations, but all that holy activity, church busyness and business, may carry and keep us far from the Holy One. If we are not careful we will be like Martha in the kitchen — doing so many things for Jesus, so we suppose, that we do not have time to be with Jesus. We will not be alert to what Jesus is already at work doing for, in, and among us — and we may wind up estranged from our brothers and sisters.

- Thomas Steagald, Shadows, Darkness, and Dawn

This e-devotional really resonated with me when I read it. I was there. I was all about church busyness and church business and I felt on many days very far from the Holy One. I don't believe that God was far from me but I feel as if I was working so hard in the name of Jesus that I didn't really have time for Jesus.
During this time I did everything I was "supposed to" do. I prayed. I read and studied the Scriptures. I had an active worship life. I fasted. I tithed. I went on spiritual retreats. I participated in a Christian accountability group. I filled my schedule with all of this stuff, yet on so many days, I felt alone and weary.
While there were a whole lot of other things going on with me during that time, one of the things that I think I didn't do enough was just spend time being with Jesus. Ironically, it was only by stepping away from all of that church work that caused me to really understand what was going on in my relationship with Jesus.
I'm still learning about what it means to just be present to Jesus. What I have come to know is that I could only have learned some of the lessons I have learned by being busy with church work. If I didn't have those experiences, I would not be able to learn about what it means to live without all of that busyness and business. I also know that in all of this, God has allowed me to grow as a person and as a Christian in some truly amazing and grace-filled ways. As challenging and confusing and frustrating as it sometimes is, I give God thanks for this path.
Thanks for being a part my journey!

SYTYCD

With the arrival of summer comes one of my favorite summer guilty pleasures: So You Think You Can Dance. I don't have cable. I rarely watch local television. However, now that So You Think You Can Dance is back, I will be tuning in every Wednesday and Thursday evening to watch.
I have shared with you on this blog in the past that I love to watch dancers. I love the grace, skill, and athletic ability that they bring to their art. I love it when a dancer can tell a story through movement. I love it when I am taken away for just a brief moment to a different time or a more graceful place by watching people dance.
I don't really like the audition episodes as much as the actual competition but it's still fun to watch. I like seeing people who share their talents with great energy and joy. I am glad to know that there are people in the world who move with grace and help to express the human experience in deeply profound ways.
So, the television is fired up and write this and I am ready to see some dancing. I know it's going to be a good summer.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Dirty Shoes

As I shared with you in a previous post, I had the honor on Saturday of participating in a wall raising service in Oxford, Ohio. This is the first house that TriState Habitat for Humanity is building in what will be a twenty home subdivision. The subdivision is called Reckford Woods named in honor of the current CEO of Habitat for Humanity Jonathan Reckford. There will be two cul-de-sacs in the subdivision: Carter Court (named after President Jimmy Carter) and Fuller Way (named after Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity).
As a part of the wall raising service, I gave a devotional. In my devotional, I talked about the shoes I was wearing. I shared with those gathered that for the wall raising that these shoes were my wall raising service shoes. They are my old tennis shoes. I don't care if they get dirty or muddy. In fact, when I put them on last Saturday morning, there was still mud on these shoes from the last wall raising service in Northern Kentucky. I also probably had mud from an earlier wall raising service in Clermont County, Ohio.
I told the volunteers and Habitat Partner Family that they would most likely leave with mud or dirt on their shoes and that was okay. They would be taking a little bit of that site with them to where they live and work and learn and play. This is a good thing because at that moment they were standing on holy ground. Before time began, God knew that a miracle would take place on that land. God knew that people from different backgrounds and faith communities would come together for a common purpose. God knew that a family would one day have a safe, decent, affordable home in which to live on that land. By taking that dirt with them on their shoes, the volunteers, staff, and Partner Family were spreading God's holiness and grace out into the world. They were going to also carry their excitement and acts of service with them as well. That mud and dirt is a sign and symbol of God's amazing grace.
When I came home, I noticed that I had some new mud on my shoes. When I saw that mud, I gave God thanks for the miracle that I am a part of that is Habitat for Humanity. I thanked God for the chance I have every day to serve the least of these in our world. I thanked God for the lessons that our Partner Families teach me. I thanked God for the volunteers and staff who work so hard to make the dream of home ownership possible for families living in poverty. I thanked God for the nineteen other families who I have not even met yet who will one day take a step of faith to apply for our home ownership program.
I am truly blessed beyond my wildest dreams. For me, ministry does not get much better than this. I love this work - mud and all!
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

Bringing Good News

I got to be the bearer of good news to two families today in my work with Habitat for Humanity. Our Board of Directors approved two new Partner Families and I had the honor and privilege of calling both families and giving them the good news.
This is one of my favorite things I get to do as the Family Services Coordinator. I get to tell families that they can now move forward with realizing their dream of becoming home owners. I get to share the good news that, if they meet all of the requirements and expectations of Habitat Partnership, then they will one day move from sub-standard conditions into a new home that is safe, decent, and affordable. I get to offer them hope in the midst of some very challenging life circumstances.
I also tell each family when I call that if they thought the application process tested their patience, they are now in for a whole new season of being patient. They will have to complete 500 sweat equity hours, pay a down payment, attend classes, fill out forms, and jump through a whole bunch of other hoops before they can close on their home. There will most likely be weather delays and sub-contractors and volunteers may not work work as fast as they want them to work. There can be set-backs with inspections and materials supplies. Yet, in the end, if they are patient and keep up their end of their partnership agreement, then we will help them to become home owners.
Whenever I make these calls, families have many different reactions. Some of them whoop and holler into the phone. Many of them start to cry. Today, one family gave God thanks and praise for this blessing in their life. The reaction is always different but there always seems to be a deep sense of gratitude from each family. That attitude of gratitude is powerful. It often humbles me to silence and prayer. There is no better feeling than to offer hope to people and feel that hope spilling over into my own heart.
It's been another long day but I end this day with a heart full of gratitude. I am thankful that God has led me to serve the poor in this way. I am grateful for the honor and privilege of bringing good news to families in need. I am grateful for the way in which God works in my heart and teaches me through our Partner Families. I could not ask for a better place in which to be in ministry. I continue to drink in big gulps of God's grace in my life and I am forever grateful for this opportunity.
Thank you for being a part of my journey!

Giving and Forgiving

In worship this morning at my church we sang one of my favorite hymns: Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee. I love the words and Beethoven's music is without equal. As we were singing, we came to one of my favorite lines Thou art giving and forgiving.
I think that when I was growing up I liked this line because it seemed like a clever use of words. However, now I embrace their deep truth. God is indeed giving and forgiving. In this brief phrase is revealed much about Who God is.
God gives. Jesus tells us that God loved the world that God gave God's only Son. God's first instinct is to give. In creating all that is, God gave us all that we need. When Adam was alone, God gave him Eve. When the Hebrew people cried out under the yoke of slavery in Egypt, God gave them their freedom and a land of their own. Over and over again, God gives not because people deserve it but because giving is God's nature.
God also forgives. When the people rebelled against God and grumbled as they wandered in the desert, God forgave. When the Israelites broke God's laws and forgot who they were as God's chosen people, God sent prophets to call them back into covenant relationship. When Jesus hung on the cross, he cried out to his Father for mercy asking God to forgive his executors because they did not know what they were doing. Forgiveness is a part of God's essence.
It was good to once again be reminded again today in worship that God gives and forgives. Without what God has given me, I would have nothing. I have accomplished nothing without God's grace. I have a home, a car, a job, clothes, and this computer that I blog on because God has given them all to me.
In the same way, I would be nothing without the power of God's forgiveness. My sin is a weight that would forever sink me into death and destruction. I am broken and selfish and foolish and arrogant and judgmental and rude and gluttonous and self-centered and on and on. However, all that is forgiven in Christ Jesus. His death and resurrection have it all covered. God forgives and breathes mercy and grace into my life each and every day.
So, tonight I'm giving thanks to my God Who gives and forgives. Thanks for being a part of my journey!

I Feel Like Quitting

I feel like quitting. No, I'm not talking about quitting my job. I feel like resigning from normal, everyday life. For it is normal, everyday life that seems to sweep in and catch me off guard and really bring me down. I was telling my friend Karen that I have had the strength to stand at someone's bedside who is dying in the hospital and offer hope and comfort and feel a sense of peace.  I seem to have the faith to endure major crises and shepherd people through very dark times in their lives; however, I can hardly stand the small inconveniences of life.
When I took the chaplain's class in Knoxville, I worked in the trauma unit in which I saw all kinds of blood, broken bones, and injuries and I was somehow able to remain fairly calm and collected. However, whenever I got lost in the hospital (which was very often) I nearly had a melt down. When I served in the local church, I felt I did some of my best ministry when there was a death and I was called to offer comfort to the family. I always seemed to have the words to say and knew when to sit and be quiet with people in their grief. However, one time I forgot my Bible at home and didn't realize it until I arrived at the funeral home. The funeral director couldn't scrounge up a Bible and I nearly had a panic attack. I hopped in the car for a high speed trip back to the parsonage. Thankfully one of the funeral home employees drove me in one of the funeral home cars. I think he drove most of the way above 80 miles per hour which only added to my anxiety.
Today was no exception. I took my car in to have a latch mechanism replaced. The sensor on the hatch door of my car kept going off and it would set my alarm off. One night it went off at about 11:30 PM. I'm sure my neighbors all loved this. So, for the past few weeks, I haven't been locking my car. Anyway, I picked my car up today from the repair shop, drove back to the office and pressed the remote lock button and nothing happened. I went into a panic. I couldn't believe that it did not work. I didn't have the time to take my car back today. I called the repair shop and the guy told me he couldn't tell me what was wrong without looking at it. I couldn't believe that he couldn't just figure it out from my description which was "It's not working." Hmm. I felt like I paid a whole bunch of money for nothing because I still couldn't lock my car. It drove home my basic belief that cars are a necessary evil and money pits. If I could live without a car I would.
Later in the day, I had another dentist appointment. I had to have a filling redone. It took only a few minutes and involved no pain because I've had a root canal on that tooth. I was under the impression that this procedure would not cost me anything because it was covered under my dental insurance. However, when I went to the check out counter, they told me I owed them money. I said that I thought that it was all covered under my insurance. They basically said that this was not routine preventative treatment and I would have to pay them money today. Uggg! I was mad at the dentist for not telling me this before I had the procedure. I was mad at the insurance company for a policies that benefit insurance company share holders and executives. I was most of all mad at myself for not reading my insurance benefits policy more closely.
After paying a bunch of money to have my car fixed and more money to have my tooth fixed, I wanted to yell out to everyone in the dentist office waiting room "Would anyone else like any money from me today? Here, just take my debit card and drain my account! Why do I need any money anyway? Take it all!" Thankfully, I kept my wits and didn't do this but it sure would have felt good to vent a bit. So, I guess it's helping to vent all of this to you through this blog.
It's the normal stuff of life that puts me over the edge. I don't know why. It doesn't make sense. It's the way I'm wired. I hate this about myself. It exhausts me. I have made some slight changes and I feel like I'm not as bad as I once was but it feels like I haven't made much progress at all. I pray for God's help with this and I still live with anxiety about stupid stuff. I remember Jesus' words to consider the lilies of the field and the birds and trust in God in all things. However, most days I fail miserably at this. Today was no exception.
I'm tired from the day's events and I am not long from bed. I feel like quitting but I guess I'll rest tonight and give it another try tomorrow. The good news is that tomorrow is a new day and another chance to be faithful to the God Who loves me and sustains me and will never let me go.
Thanks for being a part of my journey!

The Best Medicine

I love to laugh. I believe that laughter is a sign of God's grace in my life. If it were not for laughing, I'm not sure I could have made it this far in life. All I have to do is look in the mirror and I know for a fact that God has a sense of humor.
Tonight I laughed really hard. I attended writing class and it was just what I needed in my life right now. I had a really hard week and didn't get all of my homework done. I thought about not going to class because I just wanted to go home and sleep. I have been really stressed out and it all seemed to come to a head this afternoon.
I am so glad that I decided to attend class. This is such a wonderful group of people. We really seemed to gel tonight. We got to laughing and it was contagious. It was wonderful. I was laughing so hard I was in tears. It was a healing time for me. It was by God's grace that I was led to this class at this place at this time.
God is so good to me. Through the gift of laughter God raised me up and allowed me to experience joy and peace. Thanks be to God!
Thanks for being a part of my journey!