Count Erik Spoelstra has risen from the grave, and he wants the fresh blood of virgin Dallas Mavericks.
Now coaching the Transylvania Heat, he knows that only garlic and a wooden stake in the heart can stop his team of zombies from devouring what’s left of the playoff teams.
Spoelstra has taken his game plan from his mentor, Nosferatu Riley, a long-standing bloodsucker from ancient days when Celtic leprechauns roamed the NBA. He may no longer have his old “Magic,” but never underestimate Riley.
Erik the Red Spoelstra believes his team has True Blood, and he can hardly wait for the Twilight of the finals to commence.
The LeBron Monster has run rampant across the NBA countryside.
Helpless Bulls chased the Monster for several games, tossing him a Rose to satisfy his urge for more bloody victories. Not even the famous Big Three of Boston, pitchforks in hand, were enough to stop the creature on his rampage.
Igor Bosh, too, has been playing Resurrection Man for the diabolical Spoelstra, bringing him the bodies of recently buried NBA referees to pick their bones clean.
Perhaps the most frightful part of the Transylvania Heat is Countess Gloria with her insatiable appetite for the blood of young players. Sitting in the front row of the nightly Miami games, no player wants to step out of bounds near her.
If the moon over Miami is full, werewolf D-Wade will howl and claw at the court, looking for more points of blood.
Famous vampire slayer, Dr. Dirk Van Nowitzki of Wurzburg, will be sorely tested. We hope he is up on his Slovenian lore about the night of the living dead, Miami-style. His Mavericks have been armed with garlic and wooden stakes, but it may not be enough.
We could be watching a slaughterhouse in five.
No comments:
Post a Comment