When I was given this assignment, I thought this was a piece of cake. I could go to Wal-Mart or just about any store in America and find a key chain that wasn't too hideous. I thought that I could easily find one that was shaped like a house or had a Scripture verse on it or something that was appropriate for presenting to our Partner Families at our house dedications. However, I was wrong. Do you know how hard it is to find a key chain that isn't either designed for a ten-year-old girl or that looks like something a high school custodian would wear on his belt?
I first went to Hobby Lobby at the suggestion of one of my co-workers. Her idea was to buy a big wooden key with hooks on it that you hang keys on. We could paint it up in Habitat colors and present it to the family as a keepsake. Well, the only thing I discovered at Hobby Lobby was a whole lot of decorative and craft stuff that made my head spin. It was overwhelming and I couldn't believe I wasted my time there.
Next, my co-worker suggested I go to Claire's at the mall near my office. I haven't been to a mall since the early 1990's. I now know why I avoid malls. This mall had that mall smell and the typical giggling teenagers hanging out. I tried to move as fast as possible through the mall and did not make eye contact with anyone but still people tried to get me to stop at their kiosks. One lady started yelling at me as I rushed by. She shouted across the hall, "Sir! Sir! Sir!" I thought she was talking to someone else and again didn't make eye contact. Then she marched across the main concourse of the mall and got right in my face. I paused from my speed walking just enough to see that she had a tube of some kind of hand lotion. She got right in my face and stuck out her hand and asked me my name. I was shocked and disoriented by this. I sheepishly said, "Kevin." Now I'm wondering if she isn't an undercover mall security guard on the trail of a shoplifter who matches my physical description. She shakes my hand and introduces herself as Zeta or Zinia or Zuzu or something like that. She had a pretty thick accent. I also noticed as she shook my hand that her hands were quite soft. Obviously she had been using a lot of her product. I thought for a half-second that I might just listen to her spiel and maybe get her to squirt some hand lotion on me. The cold weather does dry out my skin something terrible. However, I was a man on a mission. I needed a key chain.
I went to Clair's and they had key chains that any middle school girl would just love; however, nothing that I thought was appropriate for a Habitat house dedication. I then went to the Hallmark store thinking that key chains are something they would sell. They did have some but again they were all hideous. I left the mall as fast as possible hoping that I wouldn't have to return for another 20 years.
I then headed towards home thinking that I would zip into the Kohl's near my apartment. Certainly Kohl's would have key chains in their jewelry department. Again, same story. There was some ugly dangling things that were not appropriate for Habitat. I then thought that Wal-Mart must have key chains so I headed there. I could not find anything. I looked in jewelry. I looked in automotive and hardware and still no key chains.
I ended up going home and decided to give up for the evening. Then, I happen to remember that Meijer stores often have a little place in the front of the store that makes keys. I remember seeing key chains in these little booths. So, I put on my coat, went out into the cold night and drove to Meijer. When I arrived there, I discovered that this particular Meijer did not have a key place in the front. So, I searched the store in every place I could think of a key chain might be with no success. They did have key chains with the Bengals and Reds logos on them but I didn't think these were appropriate for a Habitat house dedication. Then I did the thing that is against my very nature. I asked someone for help. The very nice employee looked bewildered and told me that he thought they might have key chains as the service desk because they can copy keys there. However, he was not really certain. I thanked him and went on to the service desk. I asked the employees at the service desk and they looked more bewildered than the first employee that I asked about the key chains. It was almost as if I was asking for some exotic thing that no one had ever heard of. The guy at the service desk told me that they did have the plastic slinky-looking things that went around your wrist so you didn't lose your keys but that was it. I thanked them for their time and left Meijer.
As I left Meijer I saw a Lowe's store. I thought, well, I'm sure they make keys there and they must sell key chains. It was only ten minutes until the store closed. I had no time to wander aimlessly. So, as soon as I entered Lowe's I asked an employee where the key chains might be. He also looked bewildered. He said that he didn't think they sold any. He knew they made keys but was not sure about the key chains. He took me down to the key making area and there were a few key chains but most looked like things that you hook a dog leash to. There was one that looked like a Swiss army knife but I didn't think that was appropriate.
I left Lowe's as they were closing and was ready to completely give up. Then I realized that I had seen key chains in gas station mini-marts before. Often times gas stations along the highway would have loads of them. Many had weird sayings on them like "I brake for Collies" or "I love my Harley" but there might be an appropriate key chain at a gas station. I was very near an exit off of Interstate 75. I stopped in one of my favorite gas stations that had a mini-mart and figured I would find exactly what I needed. I went in which was a good thing because by now all of this in and out of cold meant that I needed to use the restroom. I then walked through the gas station store looking for a key chain but couldn't find a single one. There were billions of lighters, sunglasses, and all kinds of other junk but no key chains. So, I decided to get a big 89 cent drink and get the heck out of there.
When I got home, I remembered that I knew someone that got a really cool key chain at the Hot Topic store. I figured I could go back tomorrow if I needed to. So, I went to the Hot Topic website. After being scared by much of the merchandise, I searched for key chains. They do have key chains but again I'm not sure any are appropriate. I suppose some of our home owners might like a Hello Kitty key chain. I especially like the one that had Darth Vader's head on it. I can picture it now. "Welcome to your new home. May the force be with you. Come over to the dark side." There was also a key chain that doubled as a bottle opener with a skull and cross bones on it. I can just hear the small children crying as we presented them the key to their house with the symbol for poison on it. I guess if we were building for pirates this might be appropriate.
So, I am still on the lookout for a key chain. I am not sure where else to look. I may end up driving out to a truck stop along the highway. I know they have them. I know they have them at a booth at the huge flea market but that is only open on the weekends and I need the key chain by Saturday morning. There's nothing like the last minute to get me running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Uhhhhhg!
Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings and for being a part of my journey!
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